tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81890976509172006192024-02-18T23:55:37.635-08:00Wake Up, SweetheartYour Guide to Spiritual Awakening, or Cappuccino for the SoulJill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.comBlogger242125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-9655268250884220942016-02-26T16:24:00.004-08:002016-02-26T16:24:53.319-08:00Are You a Helper, Server, or Fixer? And Why it Matters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.32px;">If you're like most people I know, you have a job, career, or important role (such as parent) in which you function as a helper, server, or fixer. Maybe you're a doctor, mechanic, lawyer, house cleaner, therapist, waiter, engineer, bookkeeper, realtor, chef, handyman, hairdresser, or assistant. Regardless of the job, you're serving in some way, and </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.32px;">t</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.32px;">he spirit in which you do this</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.32px;"> can make all difference in the world.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #141823;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">I recently came across a brilliant article, </span></span><a href="https://www.uc.edu/content/dam/uc/honors/docs/communityengagement/HelpingFixingServing.pdf" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">Helping, Fixing or Serving?</a>, <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">by Rachel Naomi Remen, author of <i>Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal.</i> Remen writes:</span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you se</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.32px;">e life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This reminded me of my younger days as a misguided <i>rescuer</i>. I don't know why I did it, but I'd seek out people who I perceived to be incompetent to run their lives, and then spring into action to help or fix them, sometimes at great personal sacrifice. Did I see them as weak, and myself as strong? <i>Yes.</i> Did my "help" ever really benefit them? <i>No.</i> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why? Because<i> </i>they didn't want to be helped or fixed, and they certainly<i> didn't want to seen as weak or incompetent.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>There's nothing wrong with wanting to help one's fellow human. That's a beautiful thing. The problem we run into, though, is that the energy behind helping/fixing is often one of inequality. "You need my help," or "Please fix me." This is very different than the spirit of <i>service </i>that occurs when we see someone as whole while offering a helping hand or kind word. It's the smiling waitress who warmly asks, "What can I get for you?," or the therapist who assures his client, "You're not alone..." Service doesn't exclude helpfulness, but it implies and conveys respect and a much more level playing field. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">To me, the distinction between helping/fixing and serving is like the difference between feeling sorry for someone and feeling compassion for their situation. In one, there's a <i>looking down</i> quality or separation between us, and in the other there's a heart connection and understanding of the shared human experience. This concept is, perhaps, best communicated in the Sanscrit greeting, <i>Namaste, </i>which translates as "the divine light in me acknowledges the divine light in you."</span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">This week, I invite you to notice the situations in which you find yourself acting as a helper, fixer, or server. It may vary quite a bit from relationship to relationship and from role to role, but you might notice a theme or pattern emerge that needs to be addressed (as I did with my former tendency to rescue people---from themselves, and against their will!).</span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">Enjoy this shift in perception, and have a wonderful week.</span><br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-47469437483134525062016-01-19T16:31:00.002-08:002016-01-22T20:59:48.288-08:00The Best Use of your Imagination is Creativity. The Worst Use is...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The other day, I heard Deepak Chopra speaking about the way we use our human minds. Wisely, he said, "The best use of your imagination is <i>creativity.</i> The worst use of your imagination is <i>fear.</i>"<br />
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My mind instantly switched the word "fear" to "<i>worry,</i>" because worry is truly about letting our imagination wander down a dark street and conjure up images of all the dangers that might lurk there. "Fear" implies many things, some real and some imagined, but <i>worry</i> is when we spin a yarn of gloom and doom---and that requires a vivid imagination!<br />
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Hearing Deepak's words reminded me of the advice a friend gave me decades ago. She said, "Jill, you are a very creative person. Make sure you always have a creative project going so you don't get bored and start looking for trouble." It wasn't until I heard Chopra's statement that I realized what she meant. Mentally (or emotionally) creative people have to maintain a healthy exercise program for their imaginations---or they start creating internal dramas.<br />
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This week, I ask you to consider your use of imagination. Are you a particularly curious, creative, or theatrical personality? Do you tend to be anxious? If so, you might be more likely to fret than a practical thinker or someone who takes life as it comes. No worries---here's what you can do:<br />
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1. Evaluate whether the fear is justified, or if you're in an unproductive worry cycle.<br />
2. Decide if any real-world actions are called for. If so, take them. If not:<br />
3. Stop for a moment and <i>feel</i> the actual fear, instead of keeping it at bay in the form of nagging, low-grade worry. Have compassion for yourself.<br />
4. Remind yourself that the worry is not helping, and that it's putting an unnecessarily negative spin on the situation, and on the future.<br />
5. Decide to use your imagination super-powers for good, and deliberately dream up a fantastically unexpected, <i>desirable</i> scenario to replace the scary, depressing one.<br />
6. Thank your imagination for this new (better) creation.<br />
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Good luck, and I hope you have a stress-free week!<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-15024357566496855922015-12-27T16:17:00.001-08:002015-12-27T16:17:49.447-08:00Join the Global Chorus: Sing (and Play) C-F-A on New Years Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-weight: 700;">Global Harmony Project: Sing C-F-A on New Years Day</span></div>
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by John Shinn, musician and sound healer</div>
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Please join us in a global movement to sing together in harmony to bring in 2016. A simple idea with earth-changing possibilities. People all over the world purposely making music together. We'd appreciate it you'd spread the word through social media, word of mouth, and other sharing.</div>
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The specific idea is this New Years Day (January 1st, 2016), everyone who wants to join in can sing and play instruments in any manner using the notes C, F and A <i>to create together a global song that is based on the musical F chord</i> (known to many as the heart or care vibration). Anytime New Years Day would do, but imagine the effect if some people in each time zone did this during the first minute of New Years Day (creating a global harmony wave as the New Year came in).</div>
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Why C-F-A? This combination of notes makes the F chord in the simplest of harmonies (known as 5-1-3) with the F note in the middle. The F note and chord for many who work with sound is the vibration that activates the heart. So we are seeing the global heart activated and the world singing together in harmony. Of course, anyone more sophisticated musically is invited to add to this harmony according to their capabilities and guidance. For the technical sound and music people, we are specifically asking for C-F-A in the A=440 Hertz music system (because the largest portion of the global music world uses this system).</div>
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Join the global chorus - sing (and play) C-F-A on January 1st, 2016. Thank you, and have a fantastic New Year!</div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-20338489495726503602015-12-07T14:20:00.002-08:002015-12-10T09:56:30.196-08:00Making Sense of What Scares You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What are you afraid of? I just googled "fear of the unknown" because I had read that all fear is basically fear of the unknown. Hmmm. I wasn't sure about this statement, because it's pretty clear to me that my fears revolve around <i>suffering, </i>and the vast unknown is clearly made up of all kinds of experiences, including happy surprises, future successes, new and delicious tastes, etc.<br />
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This business of <i>the unknown</i> reminded me of my friend describing her gym "boot camp," and how she loved it because it was different every day. She never got bored because they were always mixing it up. Various, random people ran the class, and the goal was to keep it new and fresh---every day.<br />
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I frowned. I realized I wouldn't like that because I want to know what to expect. Not in all situations all the time, but regarding exercise, <i>I would prefer to know what's going to happen and what's to be expected of me</i>. If I've been to a Pilates or yoga class before, I'm likely to return, but getting myself there the first day demands courage. Why? I'm not sure---it's just the way I'm wired.<br />
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You might be thinking, "Wow. Not an adventurous bone in that poor woman's body!" But you'd be mistaken. Interestingly, if you told me, "Hey, I'm a hypnotherapist, and I'd like to do an experimental guided visualization on you where you go out of your body and explore parallel lives and alternate universes!," I'd be closing my eyes and deepening my breathing even before you could finish the sentence. I'd be all over that.<br />
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I guess you could say that we each have our strengths and weaknesses. As a psychotherapist, I think of human beings as having four main aspects to their lives: <b>mental, emotional, physical,</b> and <b>spiritual.</b> Most everyone would agree that the first three are universal, while some might argue they are not spiritual, or that this is not a part of their experience. But I define "spiritual" as simply how we each see ourselves fitting into the bigger picture, and everyone (hopefully) knows there's more to life than just self+cell phone, which means we each have a spiritual component to our life.<br />
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Just as with subjects in school, you're stronger in some areas than in others, and that's normal. You might be robust in two or three areas, and weaker or more vulnerable in one (or two) of them. This is likely where your fears crop us, and it can be helpful to to see these fears within a <i>context,</i> so that you can address and get extra attention or help where it's needed.<br />
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For instance:<br />
<ul>
<li>Those who experience vulnerability in the <b>mental</b> or cognitive realm might lack confidence in their ability to cope with everyday life, decision-making, and feeling like a competent and contributing member of their family or society.</li>
<li><b>Emotionally</b> skittish folks may avoid intimate relationships and/or revealing too much personal information. They may even sabotage good relationships or shut people out because they can't cope with the emotional demands. </li>
<li>Those who don't relate as much with the <b>physical</b> aspects of life may be overly cautious about their movements, being seen, visiting new places, or the physical safety of themselves or their loved ones. </li>
<li>And people with an aversion to <b>spirituality</b> may be afraid of the great unknown or having faith in something outside of themselves. They may lack the hope and faith that makes others' lives rich and meaningful. </li>
</ul>
This week, I ask you to look at what scares you. Try to see it from a larger perspective, and consider what you might be able to do to reconcile or remedy the fear. From this new vantage point, you might feel compelled to work on strengthening the muscle that's keeping you feeling weak.<br />
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(Note: If you have a major phobia, you are probably either dealing with a particular trauma---from this life or beyond---or you are channeling all your free-floating anxiety/fear into one neat, but miserable, package. It's the psyche's way of trying to contain and control our fear. This might require therapy or other outside help, so please do what you need to do to address the phobia).<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-76885211993727396172015-11-20T16:19:00.000-08:002015-11-25T13:42:17.215-08:00Making Peace with the Changing Times<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have the last two or three years been intense for you? For myself and many people I know, it's been a period of deep reflection, emotional housecleaning, endings/new beginnings, and a high degree of motivation to clarify core values and purpose. For many of us, it's no longer an option to hide from ourselves, live in denial, do meaningless work, or continue running away from what we don't want to see in ourselves or our environment.<br />
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The <em>veil</em> between our physical existence and that which is <i>unseen</i> has been thinning for a while now. The nature of time is changing. Our dreams are more vivid, and our life purposes more urgent. We're more open to spiritual messages and less tolerant of thoughtless words and behavior. It used to be normal to waste water and throw paper in the garbage, but now it unsettles us.<br />
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We are between worlds---an old world where we were unaware that smoking and unsafe sex would eventually catch up with us, and a new emerging world where millions of people are busy at work creating heaven on earth. If it sounds confusing and science fictiony, it is.<br />
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What to do? There are no quick fixes. Transformation is a <em>process</em>, and we really have no choice but to hang in there and work things through as they present themselves. That said, here are a few things I've learned over the years about managing stressful change and emotional unrest:<br />
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<div>
<b>What usually <i>doesn't</i> help:</b></div>
<ul>
<li>Running away from, denying, or "medicating" your feelings</li>
<li>Rejecting, controlling, or trying to eliminate parts of yourself that you don't like</li>
<li>Getting sucked into the <em>abyss</em> of old, repetitive patterns </li>
<li>Trying to think your way out of problems created by your best thinking!</li>
</ul>
<b>What usually <i>does </i>help:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Breathing, and calmly <em>allowing</em> your emotions (without dramatizing them)</li>
<li>Working with and befriending all of your (ego) parts</li>
<li>Releasing limiting beliefs that no longer serve you</li>
<li>Calling in your Higher Self and other spiritual support through journaling, prayer, surrender, etc. </li>
<li>Uncovering and implementing your life purpose</li>
<li>Being compassionate, nurturing, and forgiving toward yourself and others </li>
</ul>
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This week, I invite you to relax and make peace with the changing times. I know that things aren't perfect, but I've been around long enough to observe that life is gradually getting better all the time, even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes. It's an exciting time to be alive, and I encourage you to do your unique part as we co-create a new and better world.<br />
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-40188795680312971492015-11-04T11:25:00.003-08:002015-11-04T14:14:55.302-08:00Do You Want to Create Heaven on Earth?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><br />
A few months ago, I started noticing people talking about their dream of experiencing or manifesting "heaven on earth." As I listened, I heard some other versions of the same theme:<br />
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<ul>
<li>"Ushering in a new, golden era" </li>
<li>"Installing the new paradigm"</li>
<li>"Bringing in the new golden age" </li>
<li>"Creating a new earth"</li>
</ul>
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I was fascinated by the coincidence, so I googled "creating heaven on earth," and learned that this mission conciousness was a <i>movement</i> that seemed to be shared by many, many people! Who knew?<br />
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Two weeks later, I received an email announcement from The Shift Network for a free tele-summit called <i>Co-Creating Heaven on Earth: Practical Strategies for a World that Works for All of Us, </i>so I signed up. It started yesterday and lasts three days, but you can still register and get the recordings. I have to say that I am blown away by the list of speakers, who are some of my very favorite authors and visionaries, truly world-class change agents and messengers.<br />
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Here are a few of them:<br />
Barbara Marx-Hubbard (Evolutionary leader)<br />
Don Miguel Ruiz (<i>The Four Agreements</i>)<br />
Jack Canfield (<i>Chicken Soup for the Soul </i>series)<br />
Anodea Judith (<i>The Global Heart Awakens)</i><br />
Marcia Weider (Dream University)<br />
Patricia Albere (Mutual Awakening)<br />
Eben Alexander (Neurosurgeon who wrote<i> Proof of Heaven</i>)<br />
and my personal favorite, Tim Kelley (True Purpose Institute/<i>True Purpose)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Since I'm excited about this co-creative movement, I thought I'd share it with you. If you're interested in catching the live talks or listening to the audios at a later time, you can register by following this link, <a href="https://shiftnetwork.isrefer.com/go/hoe/jillshinn/">Creating Heaven on Earth (free Summit)</a>, and enjoy joining those of us who are busy at work tranforming our world into a brighter place. Blessings to you.<br />
<br />
(hands photo: Pixabay Stokpic)Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-39022289826175065702015-10-29T10:37:00.000-07:002015-10-29T18:31:08.192-07:00How your Worst Problem could turn out to be your most Welcome Gift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Whatever it is (illness, heartbreak, compulsive behavior, betrayal, loss), if it's IN your way, it IS the way. It's the very path to healing you signed up for. What does that mean?<br />
<br />
We 21st century humans are currently swept up in an evolutionary whirlwind, and it's not particularly easy on any of us. Sure, some people are moderating and navigating change more peacefully than others, but wherever you are on the spectrum, you're being prompted to advance on your purposeful path NOW! If you're clinging to the past or the old ways, you will feel as if dragged, kicking and screaming. But there's an easier way.<br />
<br />
There are infinite mental, emotional and spiritual techniques to help you fall in line with the growth that's being asked of you, but I'm going to invite you to focus for a moment on one thing: that which <i>feels</i> like your biggest challenge. Whatever it is, no matter how aggravating, persistent, or acute it may be, consider it a divine wake-up call and a gift from heaven.<br />
<br />
You see, we didn't come into this life at this magical time in the world's history to continue spinning our wheels, be bored, or continue to languish in blame of ourselves or others for our situation. It's time to get serious about moving forward. Do what you need to do: get into therapy, go to rehab, walk away from toxic situations, forgive yourself, forgive others, commit to self-care, and face down your challenges, knowing that you agreed (on some soul level) to experience them for your growth.<br />
<br />
Most people, if pressed, can see the silver lining in what they've been through (and sometimes in what they are <i>currently</i> going through). They can see that their childhood, work, or health issues made them stronger, braver, or more compassionate. Maybe growing up in an abusive family helped them later cultivate deep self-love. And most people who have been seriously ill or injured, can tell you how they were positively transformed by that experience.<br />
<br />
So this week, I ask you to imagine how your "worst" problem might just be a portal into profound growth and healing for you. What have you learned already, and how might you face it and embrace it as the gift it will inevitably turn out to be?<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-28251669272311214982015-10-15T00:03:00.005-07:002015-10-15T11:16:50.793-07:00How to Accept Uncertainty (and Stop Worrying)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Are you a worrier? If so, you've probably tried all kinds of things to alleviate or control the worry. If you worry about your health, your children, your job, or your finances, you may have become super-protective and vigilant in an effort to feel safer and more in control. The problem is that <i>anything can happen at any time</i>, and deep down inside we know we're ultimately not in control.<br />
<br />
What you might not know about worry is that it's avoidable, but maybe not in the way you think. As a worrier myself, I know that our intuitive efforts to lessen our worry don't really work. Some of these include:<br />
<ul>
<li>Trying to <i>rationalize</i> that our fears are unwarranted or statistically unlikely to play out.</li>
<li>Trying to <i>push the worry out</i> by: telling our brains to shut up, thinking a different thought, or engaging in another activity. </li>
<li>Attempting to manipulate the uncertain outcome through affirmations, prayer, bargaining with God, etc. (Note: a couple of these may be good practices in general, but they don't eliminate the worry habit.)</li>
</ul>
The reason none of this works is that <i><b>you can't cure avoidance with more avoidance!</b> </i>Worry is an abstract thought/feeling haze, like static on a radio dial. It's a way to avoid facing life's inevitable uncertainty and the vivid, technicolor images that accompany full-blown anxiety. Worry is a slow, steady, sometimes chronic, dose of distraction.<br />
<br />
Psychologists Michel Dugas and Robert Ladouceur have developed a two-step process for what they call <i>Uncertainty Training. </i>They found that their clients with anxiety were unable to tolerate not knowing what was going to happen. In fact, one of their clients reported that he would rather know a negative for sure, than be uncertain about a positive.<br />
<br />
This might sounds odd, but I've known several people who rushed into a negative outcome or belief about their future, instead of adopting a "wait and see" attitude. In one case, it involved filing for an unwanted divorce. In another case, a 19-year-old woman declared that she was destined to never find true love and would spend her life alone, instead of hoping that Mr. Right would come along, which was not guaranteed. And the author, Geneen Roth, wrote that she was so constantly worried that something might happen to her husband, that she almost wished he would just die and get it over with!<br />
<br />
Dugas and Ladouceur list the following as <b><i>elements of unproductive worry</i></b>. They often involve:<br />
<ul>
<li>Unanswerable questions</li>
<li>Unsolvable problems</li>
<li>Things that are unknowable</li>
<li>Chain reactions (where one thought leads to another)</li>
<li>Relying on anxiety as a guide</li>
<li>Demands for perfect solutions</li>
<li>Demands for total control</li>
</ul>
When you feel you can't tolerate uncertainty, thoughts go like this: "<i>I don't know what's going to happen. I can't stand not being in control of the outcome, so I will distract myself (by worrying) until I know what's going to happen."</i> The problem is that so many things in life are uncertain. You can waste the better part of your life avoiding facing your fears of what "might" happen.<br />
<br />
The following are Dugas and Ladouceur's Uncertainty Training steps:<br />
<br />
<b><i>Step 1: Examine the costs and benefits of accepting uncertainty</i></b><br />
<ul>
<li><i><b>Cost:</b> When you accept, for instance, that you could get laid off at work, you m</i>ay feel initial anxiety and nervousness that you're letting your guard down. Ask yourself: "What action can I take today that would really help?"</li>
<li><i><b>Benefit:</b> </i>If you accept that you might be laid off no matter what you do, and accept that you can't eliminate the possibility of it happening, then it takes some of the pressure off, clears your mind mind from the trance of dread, and makes it possible for you to consider possible options. There is relief in not trying to control something you cannot control.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><i>Step 2: Flood yourself with uncertainty</i></b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Instead of warding off and avoiding the the feared outcome, you confront it head-on. Repeat over and over again, "It's possible that I could lose my job," or "I might lose my job." This may cause an initial spike in anxiety, but eventually you'll see that you are not destroyed by the thought. And if repeated frequently enough, you may even become bored! </li>
</ul>
<div>
This week, I encourage you to take an honest look at your relationship with not knowing what's going to happen. You might not like uncertainty but, as an old friend of mine once said, "the only security in life lies in accepting the insecurities of life."<br />
<br />
Good luck, and I hope you enjoy a worry-free week.</div>
</div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-73185509494455261802015-10-07T22:48:00.002-07:002015-10-15T11:10:32.473-07:00How We Abandon Ourselves....And What to Do about It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I've been hearing a lot lately about how we humans tend to run away from ourselves when the going gets tough. But what does that mean, and what does it look like?<br />
<br />
I'm referring to what happens when we're uncomfortable with our thoughts or feelings, or uncomfortable in our own skin. Maybe we're stressed out, so we take the edge off by having a drink. Or maybe we're lonely, so we eat a pint of ice cream while standing at the freezer. Perhaps we're bored, so we pick a fight with someone, or launch into a project we'll never finish. Or maybe we're sick, but we go to work anyway, because people are counting on us.<br />
<br />
Abandoning ourselves can take many forms, ranging from momentary zoning out to full-blown self-abuse. Let's look at a few common ways people leave themselves in the dust.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Anything involving <b>numbing the mind or senses.</b> This includes all addictive and/or compulsive behavior (over-eating, under-eating, drinking, taking drugs, excessive use of phone/internet/TV, over-focusing on work, exercise, sex, etc.) </li>
<li>Procrastination, unnecessary busywork, or self-sabotage. </li>
<li>Habitually putting others' needs ahead of our own.</li>
<li>Anything that distracts us from being in the moment and noticing what's going on with us. </li>
<li>Not setting and enforcing appropriate personal boundaries or limits. </li>
<li>Disrespecting ourselves or allowing others to disrespect us.</li>
<li>Overfunctioning or underfunctioning.</li>
<li>Any kind of codependent thinking or behavior.</li>
<li>Taking on other people's responsibilities, issues, or problems.</li>
<li>Neglecting our own health, finances, or wellness.</li>
<li>Always trying to "rise above" or censor our authentic thoughts or feelings.</li>
</ol>
<br />
This week, I invite you to notice<i> when </i>(in what situations) you reject yourself or your experience, and <i>what you do</i> to prevent yourself from staying present and true to yourself. Do you zone out in some way? Do you engage in compulsive or addictive behavior, and then regret it? Do you disregard your own needs and then pay the price? Do you deny or swallow your feelings?<br />
<br />
If you see yourself in the above, don't despair. Awareness is a great first step to making simple but profound changes in your relationship with self. It's never too late to learn how to be present. Every moment represents a new opportunity to extend kindness, patience, and respect to yourself. <br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-48268238019862919722015-10-01T10:14:00.000-07:002015-10-01T18:40:59.940-07:00Choosing Between Love and Fear<div style="border: medium none;">
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We live in a world of contrasts: young and old, good and bad, right and wrong; but perhaps the most spiritually significant contrast is that of love and fear. If you are a student of <em>A Course in Miracles</em> you will immediately understand why working with this concept can be so very important to your spiritual growth and awakening. If not, here's how it works.<br />
<br />
The relationship between love and fear is similar to the relationship between Higher Self and lower self (ego). The Higher Self is a spark of the Divine, which is pure love; and the ego (while critical to our survival and growth) is often conflicted, and is our primary source of fear.<br />
<br />
Real love is not a feeling. It is not romantic or exclusive or reserved only for <em>special</em> people. Within this definition it's impossible to "love" one person while hating another. When you're in touch with the love that is your essence, you respect and honor all of life, not just your own children, friends, neighbors, and pets. A few of the many expressions of love are: joy, faith, acceptance, kindness, forgiveness, altruism, authenticity, patience and peace of mind. Love feels good.<br />
<br />
Fear, on the other hand, is the absence of love. Fear is what we experience when we've forgotten who we really are, when we've lost touch with our Higher Self and are clinging---for dear life---to the lower self that we've developed in order to adapt to this world. Fear is expressed in anything that doesn't feel good: insecurity, pettiness, worry, addiction, compulsion, low self-esteem, greed, prejudice, judgement, anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, etc. Hate and violence are simply fear on steroids.<em> </em><br />
<br />
Learning to distinguish between love and fear will help you consciously choose love more often, and the more often you choose love the happier, healthier, and more spiritually atuned you will be.<br />
<br />
You can begin this practice today by simply recognizing that in <em>every</em> <em>moment</em> you are deciding to embrace either love or fear. Forgive someone who has made a mistake, and you've embraced love.Yell at your kids for not cleaning their rooms, and you've embraced fear. It's as simple as that. You don't have to choose love every time, but just watch and see what happens on those magical occasions when you do!<br />
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-72274192330930620412015-09-17T11:33:00.000-07:002016-05-29T20:30:55.203-07:00Everything You Need to Know About the Akashic Records<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">What are the Akashic Records?</span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The
Akashic Records are an etheric library or data base of every thought, feeling,
intention, action, and event that has ever occurred throughout the history of
the universe. The information in the Records is</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> alive and dynamic. </span><span style="line-height: 107%;">The
term <i>Akashic Records </i>was coined by
the Theosophists, and the concept was made popular by Edgar Cayce, the foremost
Akashic “reader.”</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">What does “Akashic” mean?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Akasha</i> is a Sanskrit word describing
the <i>ether </i>or non-physical substance
that exists throughout all things, beings, places, and galaxies. Within the
fabric of the Akasha is a living, ever-changing memory or record of everything
that has ever transpired on an energetic or physical level. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What is the purpose of the Akashic Records?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">According
to the Akashic, the purpose of life is <i>soul
evolution, </i>and the purpose of the Records is to guide this process. Every
soul is on a grand journey, and every lifetime holds an evolutionary purpose
within this journey. The Records assist in that they know exactly where the
soul has been, where it is going, and how to get there. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Who oversees the Akashic Records?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There
exists a collective group of beings, the <i>Keepers</i>
of the Akashic Records, whose sole purpose is to gather and contain the wisdom
and workings of the universe, which includes everything that has previously
transpired, as well as the probable and possible future outcomes of all (present)
situations. The Keepers speak as one voice, and do not have a personality or
emotional body. They translate and interpret information for us, when asked,
and selectively choose what to share to assist us on our individual path. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How are the Records organized?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">According
to Edgar Cayce and others, there exist three halls: the Hall of Learning, the
Hall of Wisdom, and the Hall or Records. Not only can we receive information
about our own soul’s history, but we can access scientific, technological,
literary, creative, and planetary information, as well accounts of ancient
civilizations and other historical information. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do we have our own personal Records?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes,
each individual or soul has its own file or book in the Hall of Records, which
can be accessed only by ourselves or by someone who has our permission to
access it. (However, we can only access content that is compatible with our
current vibration. We will not be shown anything we cannot handle in our
current state). Within our personal Records, there are four key areas or
chambers: past lives, present lives, life between lives, and future lives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How do we access the Akashic Records?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In
reality, we access the Records all the time, through dreams, meditation,
journaling, intuitive hits, creative inspiration, scientific inquiry, etc. We can
also access the Records through conscious intention, hypnotherapy, past life
regression, psychic readings, and Akashic Record readings. The caveat is that
we must be compatible with the information we seek. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
following factors determine what information you have access to in the Records:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Your </span><i style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;">focus</i></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Your personal <i>vibration</i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Your <i>capacity</i>
to understand and hold the information</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Your </span><i style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;">intent</i><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; text-indent: -0.25in;">
for accessing the information</span></li>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Scientists,
inventors, and others inadvertently access the Records because they’ve met the
criteria for tapping into certain bodies of information. Einstein, Tessla, Da
Vinci, and others routinely accessed the Records for information and
inspiration. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i><span style="line-height: 107%;">Where</span></i></b><b><span style="line-height: 107%;"> are the Akashic Records?<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
Akashic Records exist in holographic form, which means their entirety can be
accessed through any small part of creation, but they also appear to people as
existing in another dimension (in the form of a library, temple complex,
super-computer, or other center of knowledge).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How are the Records safeguarded or regulated?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One
can only enter the Hall of Records through the vibration of compassion and
love. The specific intention and vibration of the individual or group seeking
information determines what information will be revealed. (The Keepers of the
Records are experts at knowing exactly what and how much information to release,
and to whom.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How should we address our requests to the
Akashic Records?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Get
in a relaxed, meditative state, and then make your inquiry:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><u><span style="line-height: 107%;">General:</span></u></i><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I ask to be connected to the Akashic
Records. I petition for the highest understanding and wisdom to be accessed at
this time. I wish to learn and to know of my highest being.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><u><span style="line-height: 107%;">Specific:</span></u></i><span style="line-height: 107%;"> “I ask the Akashic to help me understand the
difficulties I experience with my spouse.” “I call upon the Akashic for help in
sorting out my career direction.” I petition the Records for a deeper
understanding of physics.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><u><span style="line-height: 107%;">Through dreams:</span></u></i><span style="line-height: 107%;"> As you go to sleep, say: “My dream state is a gateway to the Akashic
Records. I will receive information for my greatest understanding and benefit.
I will remember the messages of my dreams upon awakening.” (When you wake up,
be sure to write down any dream impressions or messages in a notebook).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How do we receive information from the
Records?</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">The
most important thing is to be open and relaxed about how and when you receive
information. You might get instant, specific answers, in the form of words,
thoughts, feelings, or visions. You may not appear to get anything at all. Know
that your request has been heard and will be answered when the time is right.
It may filter into your consciousness gradually over time, occur through a
series of events, or through a book, a movie, or a conversation you overhear. (Note:
The Akashic Records responds best to open-ended inquiries, and “why” questions.
Asking specific “when,” “where,” and
“how” questions may not yield the results you’re looking for). </span></div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-78166442498353074932015-09-08T06:30:00.000-07:002016-05-29T20:38:13.312-07:00Gratitude: How to Fake It 'til You Make It!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you're anything like me, you know the miraculous benefits of practicing gratitude, but perhaps fall short when it comes to applying it on a regular basis. Don't feel bad----it's human nature to notice what's "wrong" in our environment. After all, our survival throughout history has often depended on it.<br />
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But the experience of gratitude need not interfere with our ability to perceive threat or keep our families safe. Feeling grateful for all we have and all we are, in fact, boosts our immunity to all sorts of life's ills. In reality, gratitude has no downside (except that sometimes hearing the word evokes guilt). Not to worry----gratitude can be quickly and painlessly learned.<br />
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Someone recently told me that Louise Hay starts each day by opening her eyes and thanking her bed for giving her a nice place to sleep. Apparently she thanks her mattress, her pillow, her sheets and comforter, "Thank you, blankets, for keeping me warm." No-brainer, right? The bed didn't collapse or burst into flames in the night, and you're stoked. (And now you're actively engaged in the gratitude process!)<br />
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I liked this because no matter what's going on in your life, if you have a decent place to lay your head at night, at least you have <i>that</i> to be grateful for. And my experience is that once you start noticing things to be grateful for, it's hard to stop. Before you know it, you're appreciating your diagnosis, your thighs, and all the annoying people in your life!<br />
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So, this week I ask you to make a practice of appreciation. Keeping a gratitude journal is a beautiful and brag-worthy endeavor, of course, but if you can't muster the energy to write stuff down, at least spend two minutes at the beginning or end of each day noticing things you are grateful for. (Note that quantity is just as important as quality when it comes to appreciation, so feel free to list <i>anything </i>you are grateful for----bacon, short skirts, weekends, you name it! The more the better.<br />
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Thank you for stopping by and sharing a moment of your day with me. I am truly <i>grateful</i>.<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-7697830278100320742015-08-25T06:30:00.000-07:002016-05-29T20:46:39.588-07:00"This Cup is Already Broken" (and Other Words of Wisdom)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Author Geneen Roth wrote of being on an extended meditation retreat. At one point, the guru held up his favorite tea cup and stated, "As far as I'm concerned, this cup is already broken." He went on to explain that nothing is permanent (the cup will inevitably break, fade in color, get lost or stolen), so we must appreciate it in this moment without attaching ourselves to it. Attachment, he explained, is the root of suffering.<br />
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I've heard a lot over the years about non-attachment and being present in the moment, but the analogy of one's favorite tea cup being "already broken" really spoke to me. I thought of how we cling to youth, beauty, our parents, our children, our status, and how none of it will last, no matter how fiercely we protect it. We will get old, our parents and pets will<i> </i>die, our children<i> </i>will grow up and leave us. No matter what we do, things <i>will</i> change. And what if that was okay?<br />
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Seeing all change as ultimately okay and inevitable (like the tea cup being broken) is oddly comforting. There's nothing to resist, deny, or panic about when you accept life on life's terms. When we accept that change, decline, and brokenness are not optional, we experience freedom. We can feel appreciation and gratitude for having what we have right now. We also realize that with every ending is a new beginning (there are many amazing tea cups out there, when the time comes to buy a new one!)</div>
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This week, I ask you to consider what favorite tea cup you need to see as already broken. What do you worry about or cling to?</div>
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If your child is beginning kindergarten, middle school, or high school, and you're grieving the loss of your baby, take a moment to imagine that he/she is already grown up and gone. Feel the sadness or whatever it brings up for you, and then <i>come back to this moment and enjoy what you have right now.</i> </div>
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If you are in your forties or fifties and worry about aging, imagine that you are in your eighties and have lost your good looks or health. Then <i>return to this moment, and appreciate the body and life you have today.</i></div>
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Thanks for visiting, and I hope to see you again very soon.</div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-61080220609693812812015-08-12T14:14:00.000-07:002016-05-29T21:03:22.226-07:00Don't Just Do Something---Sit There!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just read an excerpt by the American Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron about the futility of seeking pleasure by running from discomfort. In <i>The Wisdom of No Escape</i>, Pema writes:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "times new roman" , "times" , serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 19px;">We continually try to get away from pain by seeking pleasure, and in doing so, we just keep going around and around. I’m so hot I open all the windows, and then I’m so cold I put on a sweater. Then it itches, so I put cream on my arms, and then that’s sticky, so I go take a bath, and on and on.</span></blockquote>
This reminded me of waking up the other morning with an itch on my face. Normally I would just scratch my cheek and be done with it, but something told me to see what would happen if I resisted the temptation to make the itch go away, so I did nothing. Interestingly, the itchiness passed. Great.<br />
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But then it came back. I still didn't scratch. This on-again off-again pattern continued until I started wondering why I was allowing this (very mild) form of suffering to continue when I could make it go away in two seconds. Still I resisted taking action. I was curious.<br />
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Next came pictures of being stuck in a playpen as a child, unable to exercise my Godgiven freedom. Interesting. I didn't remember being in a playpen as a child, but come to think of it, my mother did encourage me to buy one when my own children were born. Hmmm...<br />
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Then I had an "aha" moment. I remembered a form of Indian meditation called Vipassana where you just observe and don't make any adjustments for comfort. Something scary surfaces: allow it. You're cold or get a leg cramp: just notice it. I tried this form of meditation once many years ago and learned more about myself in five minutes than I usually learn in a year.<br />
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For us Westerners, choosing to not run away from discomfort when we could is virtually unheard of, but Eastern thought has a lot to teach us about slowing down, finding some inner discipline and strength, and not creating newer and bigger problems through escapism.<br />
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This week, I invite you to notice what happens when you start feeling uncomfortable. Do you seek instant relief? If so, is the form of relief healthy and appropriate, such as resting when you're tired? Or is it escapism, such as eating a king-sized candy bar or drinking alcohol when you're stressed out?<br />
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Bottom line: it's important to take good care of our bodies, and honor ourselves as valuable human beings, but there's a fine line between self-care and premature rescuing of ourselves. A little discomfort is inevitable, to be expected, and actually helpful in making us better, stronger, and more compassionate people.<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-52853982786973981372015-08-05T20:24:00.001-07:002016-05-29T21:10:14.232-07:00Numbing or Distracting Yourself from Life? Why It May Not Be Necessary Anymore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Lately I've been noticing the many ways we, adults, run away from normal feelings and everyday experiences, instead of facing them and moving on.<br />
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Those of us who aren't practiced in the art of mindfulness or presence, often (unconsciously) believe that we can't handle the ups and downs of life, such as experiencing disappointment, loss, rejection, insults, etc., so we do any number of things to numb or distract ourselves from what's in front (or inside) of us. Some of these behaviors include drinking, eating, smoking, spending money, pursuing romance or sex, nail biting, skin picking, working, and being glued to one's phone, computer, or television.<br />
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The funny thing is that a lot more time and energy are spent <i>avoiding</i> ourselves, our authentic feelings, and life, than it would take to look at what's coming up and deal with it. So why do we do it?<br />
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As infants, we had zero protection from incoming energies. All we could do for ourselves was close our eyes or turn our heads away if someone got in our face or something felt threatening or overwhelming. As a result we developed defense mechanisms to cope with these intolerable intrusions. They were important to our emotional survival <i>when we were young and helpless</i>.<br />
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But then we grew up and acquired some skills and smarts for dealing with life. And that was great, except that the inner-defenseless-baby-protector (in many of us) never got the memo. It continued to behave as if every stressor or difficult emotion had the power to destroy us. The numbing out, distracting, or running away mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze) continued to react to everyday challenges as if we were incapable of dealing with them maturely.<br />
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Do you know a strong, competent person who refuses to deal with his/her emotions? Or maybe a friend (not you!) who eats or drinks at night to zone out? Or maybe someone who is always too busy or problem-stricken to relax their weary body or mind? Addictions or obsessive/compulsive behavior, of course, are extreme forms of running away from oneself or life.<br />
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So, what about you? Are you peaceful and balanced, or do you have a tendency to run away, zone out, or try to control or rise above your feelings in any aspect of your life? If you're an escape artist, you might still be operating under the outdated assumption that you're not "big" enough to stay present and deal with what's going on in your life.<br />
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This week, I invite you to view yourself as strong enough to deal with whatever feelings or situations come your way, and to see what happens when you stay present in those moments when you would normally distract or numb yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by what comes up, by all means reach out for help, but know that in the long run you are better off facing whatever's there than running away.<br />
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Good luck, and have a great week.<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-20670647710106348132015-07-22T18:02:00.001-07:002016-05-29T21:13:22.053-07:00"The Eating Guidelines:" A Spiritual and Physical Practice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you struggle with food (regardless of your weight), I have a wonderful resource for you. Geneen Roth is the guru of food and weight issues. She leads powerful workshops and is the author of nine books, my favorite of which is <i>Woman, Food, and God, </i>a #1 New York Times bestseller.<br />
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Even though her work focuses on the deep emotional aspects of problem eating (such as using food to numb, distract, or punish ourselves, or to rebel), I'd like to skip ahead to the <i>prescription</i> for making peace with food. Geneen writes:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In the food and weight arena, the Eating Guidelines are both the spiritual and physical practice. They provide a precise path to the world of being in the moment as well as well as a concrete path to feeling well. They are descriptions of what eating would look like if you had no problem with it at all. You'd listen to your body. You'd eat to nourish yourself. You'd love yourself with food. The Guidelines are exactly what you will come around to when you are tired of aching joints. Of lugging yourself around. The Guidelines are nothing more than understanding that your body is yours and you can eat as a way to be yourself. After all these years, all these diets, all these pounds gained and lost and lost and gained, after eating to resist and rebel and fight, you realize that eating can finally be---and always was---for you, only you.</blockquote>
Geneen Roth's <i><b>Eating Guidelines</b></i><br />
<ol>
<li>Eat when you are hungry.</li>
<li>Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car. </li>
<li>Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.</li>
<li>Eat what your <i>body</i> wants.</li>
<li>Eat until you are satisfied [physically].</li>
<li>Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.</li>
<li>Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.</li>
</ol>
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If you are intrigued (or at least tired of the fight), I would highly recommend that you check out Geneen's work. <i>Why Weight? </i>is an excellent workbook designed to get you in touch with your eating and food issues. <i>Women, Food, and God</i> then takes the conversation to a whole new level. </div>
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Thanks for checking in, and have a beautiful week.<br />
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-76172327320108077822015-07-15T18:00:00.002-07:002016-05-29T21:15:18.109-07:00Inside Out: A Powerful Message<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you haven't seen the film, <i>Inside Out, </i>you might be wondering what all the fuss is about. And if you have seen it, you might be wondering if you agree with it's message. Let's take a quick look at this.<br />
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<i>Inside Out</i> is a story about how our psyches are made up of various parts, emotions, beliefs, and structures, and what happens when difficulties (inevitably) arise.<br />
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It begins with a little girl who has had a beautiful childhood. Her parents have bent over backward to make her their "happy girl." Because these first few years were successful, <i>Joy</i> is the dominant leader of her inner world. We also see the figures of <i>Fear, Anger, Disgust, </i>and <i>Sadness</i>, but <i>Joy</i> clearly runs the show. Lucky child, huh? (Not everyone has this experience).<br />
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When the little girl's family moves to a new city, however, (emotional) disaster strikes, and chaos blows a storm through her psyche. <i>Joy</i> and <i>Sadness </i>accidentally<i> </i>get ejected from "<i>Head</i>quarters," and everything gets crazy. Our "happy girl" loses not only her happiness, but her ability to feel anything but despair. She becomes lost and disenfranchised, and one by one the major areas of her life (family love, trust, playfulness, etc.) go black, and come crashing down. It is devastating.<br />
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Throughout all of this, of course, the audience is rooting for (and very much expecting) <i>Joy </i>to save the day. After all, who else could turn things around? We have to rise <i>above</i>, right?<br />
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But in the end, it is <i>Sadness </i>who emerges as the hero. Why? Because she was able to help the little girl <i>feel </i>what needed to be felt in order to reconnect with life, and move forward. <i>Joy,</i> alone, just couldn't deliver.<br />
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This week, I invite you to feel all of your feelings: joy, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and anything else that shows up. You don't have to police your mind for "bad guys," because there <i>are</i> no bad guys there. By allowing what's authentic in the moment to emerge, it is able to pass on through. Only when we celebrate some emotions and reject others, (or over-attach to certain emotions) do we get stuck and run into trouble.<br />
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Thanks for stopping by, and please join me here again soon.<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-87698909896049179582015-07-01T22:55:00.002-07:002016-05-29T21:17:29.074-07:00Being True to Yourself: A Matter of Life and Death? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For years I've been fascinated by accounts of "the other side." NDE's (near death experiences), life-between-lives hypnotherapy sessions, channeled information from people's deceased loved ones---you name it, I've read it (or it's on my list). Nothing interests me more, except possibly my children, and anything with frosting!<br />
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I just read <i>Dying to Be Me </i>by Anita Moorjani, which is the true story of an Indian girl (Anita) who grew up in a multi-cultural (and multi-religious) setting that was so filled with mixed messages and Self-denial, that she desperately lost sight of who she was.<br />
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Later, in middle age, Moorjani was diagnosed with lymphoma. She fought a four-year battle, and when she could fight no more, ended up in a coma, 90 lbs., organs shut down, with lemon-sized tumors all over her body.<br />
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What happened during the coma was truly remarkable. Not only was she shown breathtaking beauty, love, and understanding of the workings of the universe, but a spontaneous physical healing occurred. Within a few days, her test results revealed that she was cancer-free. Moorjani writes:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Before my NDE, I used to suppress my upsetting emotions a lot, because I used to believe that they would attract negativity in my life. In additions, I didn't want to concern others, so I tried to control my thoughts and force myself to be positive. But I now understand that the key is to always honor who you truly are and allow yourself to be in your own truth.</blockquote>
Bottom line: putting yourself last, trying to be someone you're not, supressing your authentic feelings, manipulating your thoughts to stay "positive," behaving codependently, never feeling good enough, and/or not asserting your truth, really take their toll.<br />
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This week, I encourage you to assess how well you're taking care of yourself, expressing yourself, and generally being true to yourself. Make a commitment to improve at least one area of your self-care, knowing that this will benefit not only you and your body, but everyone who loves you. <br />
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<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-84727328454968452162015-06-24T16:32:00.003-07:002015-06-24T16:35:57.178-07:00Accepting vs. Allowing: What's the Difference?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You've probably heard a lot about the benefits of <i>acceptance</i>. (Resistance causes suffering, while acceptance brings peace, right?)<br />
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Well, this is often true, but sometimes radical acceptance is an uphill battle that we're not equipped to fight, especially when it involves a difficult situation or circumstance. Sometimes acceptance carries a heavy feeling with it, because it implies that we need to accept what we really don't want.<br />
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Recently I've been experimenting with the idea of <i>allowing. </i>To me,<i> </i>allowing is subtler and less rigorous than accepting. In allowing, we simply create a little space in our minds for things to be less polarized, less rigid. Instead of judging ourselves for making a mistake, we recognize that we're human and that mistakes are going to happen.<br />
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When it comes to matters of personal appearance, success, traffic, or the faults of ourselves or our spouse, we allow for what's reasonable or realistic. It doesn't mean that we get lazy and stop trying, or drop our standards to zero. Instead, we look at the big picture and find a healthy balance that reduces the harsh judgments and dashed expectations that so often lead to suffering.<br />
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What does allowing look like? Let's say you recently noticed lines on your face that didn't used to be there. This experience doesn't put you in your happy place. <i>Resistance</i> would dictate that you judge and reject these changes, and do whatever you can to make them go away, and/or create an inner battle about it. <i>Acceptance</i> would have you work through or transcend your emotional reactions in order to neutralize the situation in your mind. And <i>Allowing, </i>according to my definition, would be like softening the edges around the situation. You neither resist nor push for acceptance. Maybe you allow for your authentic feelings to surface, and then conclude, "Well, I am getting older---I can't turn back the clock. I'll buy some good moisturizer. I still look good."<br />
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When we allow, we embrace reality and our humanity. We don't deny our challenges or limitations, nor do we overreact to them. We just take a deep breath and allow life to be the imperfect thing that it is, and then we sleep a little better that night.<br />
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What in your life calls for allowing? Maybe your commute to work or your relationship with yourself or an important other? Perhaps your career, your exercise program, or your expectations for your teenager? When we allow some wiggle room where there once was a straight jacket, life gets a lot more comfortable and manageable.<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-32874077061588739182015-06-09T06:00:00.000-07:002015-06-09T12:54:52.608-07:00The Problem with "Abundance Consciousness"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For years, probably centuries, there's been a commonly held belief that scarcity is bad and abundance is good. Granted, we all agree that lack or <i>not enough </i>can be a real problem. Not enough food to survive, not enough money to pay the rent, not enough sleep to function properly, not enough clean water to drink---these are serious issues.<br />
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But what about <i>too much? </i>Is that a problem? Ours is a culture that values <i>more-more-more</i>, but then we turn around and complain about our cluttered homes and our overweight bodies. Most of us have too much stuff, and eat in excess. Some of us drink too much, or shop too much, or think too much. Or watch too much TV. We're crazy-busy because we <i>do</i> too much. We pack our days to overflowing, and then we walk around wishing that life or the universe would bring us more "abundance."<br />
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Lynne Twist, author of <i>The Soul of Money, </i>takes a serious look at the poverty consciousness that makes us think that enough is never really enough. She advocates for <i>sufficiency, </i>or the idea that there actually <i>is </i>enough for everybody, and when we notice and are grateful for having enough, it unleashes a flood of (otherwise unavailable) energy that we could use to live better, more purposeful, socially responsible, and emotionally satisfying lives.<br />
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If scarcity means <i>not enough</i> and abundance means your<i> cup runneth over, </i>they are in effect opposite extremes.<i> </i>The overflowing cup sounds better to us, of course, but is this really in our (and the world's) best interest? The US probably throws away enough food everyday to feed a substantial portion of the impoverished world.<br />
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Somewhere between lack and overabundance lies that happy place of <i>enough</i> where our needs are met and we are grateful for what we have. We aren't striving to keep up with the Jones's, or calming our overdoing-related stress with too much food, alcohol, or material possessions/status symbols. We use that extra time and spaciousness to make the most of our lives and our important relationships. We make decisions based on what is best for us, our families and the world, and not on what others are doing or what they might think of us, or on our lack-consciousness.<br />
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This week, I invite you to examine your relationship with scarcity, sufficiency, and abundance. In what areas of your life is there truly not enough? In what areas is there too much? And where do you experience what Lynne Twist calls "the exquisite experience of sufficiency."?<br />
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<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-5224065402882883582015-05-28T11:41:00.002-07:002015-05-31T17:49:31.792-07:00Shame: We All Have It. What to Do About It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over the last few weeks, we've been discussing some very sensitive issues: vulnerability, sacred wounds, perfectionism, and what underlies all of them, <i>shame</i>.<br />
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People tend to believe that shame is reserved for those unfortunate souls who suffered horribly dysfunctional childhoods, but the truth is that we all experience shame----many of us just don't cop to it. This denial, of course, is what causes shame to go underground and wreak havoc on our minds, emotions, and bodies.<br />
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Shame researcher and author Brene Brown, defines shame as <i>the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.</i> Some of us live from this place, constantly berating ourselves and trying to compensate for our inadequacy, while others are just occasional visitors. But, according to Brown, unless you are incapable of normal human emotions, you do experience shame. The question is: <i>how do you manage it? How do you bolster yourself against it's effects?</i><br />
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Brown writes:<br />
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Shame resilience is the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity, and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection as a result of our experience....Shame needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment. When something shaming happens and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It consumes us. We need to share our experience....If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken.</blockquote>
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So, shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment, and is healed through honest and courageous sharing with others. But notice that Brene specifies that we share with people who have "earned the right to hear our story." What does that mean, and why is it important?<br />
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When we share our thoughts and feelings with the wrong people (or under the wrong circumstances), it can backfire and make us feel worse. Therefore, it's necessary to exercise discretion and healthy boundaries when sharing sensitive personal information with others, at least when we are most vulnerable. Someone who has earned the right to hear your (shame) story, is a person you trust to respond with love, compassion, and non-judgment. (Note that later, when you've become less sensitive to the reactions of others, you can be even more courageous about putting your truth out there.)<br />
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Other shame resilience recommendations from Brown include:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Understanding shame (and guilt)</li>
<li>Recognizing what messages and expectations <i>trigger</i> shame</li>
<li>Heightening our awareness by reality-checking the messages we receive and expectations we and others place on us. (i.e: reminding ourselves that advertising images do not represent reality, and that nobody's perfect, no matter how they appear)</li>
<li>Using/accepting the word "shame," and talking about feelings and needs</li>
<li>Connecting with other authentic people </li>
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For more information, please check out Brene Brown's books and audios, <i>The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, I Thought It Was Just Me, Women & Shame, and others.</i></div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-42596945278898932962015-05-20T11:43:00.003-07:002016-05-29T21:48:17.759-07:00How to Overcome Perfectionism (and actually enjoy life) <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last week we discussed the pitfalls of perfectionism, and there are many! The bottom line: perfectionism is not an effective way of being the best you can be; instead, it is an attempt to transcend feelings of shame and unworthiness, <i>and it doesn't work.</i><br />
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In her best-selling book, <i>The Gifts of Imperfection</i>, Brene Brown writes:<br />
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To overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to universal experiences of shame, judgment, and blame; develop shame resilience; and practice self-compassion. When we become more loving and compassionate with ourselves and we begin to practice shame resilience, we can embrace our imperfections. It is in embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion and connection.</blockquote>
Let's take a quick look at these three gifts.<br />
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<ul>
<li><b>Courage:</b><i> </i>As humans, we are extremely vulnerable, and if we've experienced a steady diet of judgment or criticism, we're more susceptible to wanting to protect ourselves or hide our weaknesses. Courage, however, is when we put our true selves out there, knowing that we might fail or others might not approve (<i>and</i> knowing that we can deal with this). Ironically, when we choose courage and personal authenticity over approval, we (and others) find us more lovable. </li>
<li><b>Compassion: </b>Cultivating compassion for self and others means that we understand we're all human and that we deserve kindness and the benefit of the doubt. This doesn't remove accountability, but instead replaces condemnation with respect and accountability. When we stop blaming ourselves, we stop needing to blame others.</li>
<li><b>Connection: </b>When we're busy trying to be superhuman (or fighting that "never good enough" feeling), we disconnect from our true selves and other people, and we make ourselves less authentic and available for real connection. The truth is that we're all in this together and we're all imperfect. When we show up as real people, without hiding our "flaws," we attract other real people, and we get to experience the connection that we came into these bodies to experience. Face it, comparing ourselves to others and coming up "better than" or "worse than" is no way to live! </li>
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For me, personally, it's also been of critical importance to realize that advertising and television images are not real. What looks like perfect ease, perfect self-confidence, perfect relationships, and perfect beauty are not realistic expectations or goals, and we set ourselves and our loved ones up for suffering when we demand those ideals in our lives. Also important is learning to "zoom out." Perfectionists suffer/cause suffering because they zoom in on what's "wrong" and fail to see the big picture.</div>
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Please join me here next week as we continue the work of overcoming perfectionism by exploring what Brown calls "shame resilience."</div>
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Thanks, and have an authentic, courageous, and compassionate week.</div>
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-7414429382279749292015-05-12T20:51:00.000-07:002015-05-20T08:39:03.417-07:00Why Perfectionism is Not Your Friend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Lately, I've been thinking a lot about perfectionism. It started a few weeks ago when a friend of mine told me a story about her sister-in-law, who was a "perfect" person. According to my friend, the sister-in-law presented only images of having it all together. Her marriage was perfect, her children were perfect, her house was perfect, her clothes were perfect, even her recent vacation (whom others in attendance deemed "disastrous") was perfect. According to this lady, <i>everything</i> in her life was fabulous a<i>ll the time. </i><br />
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I'd never heard of anyone like this (or maybe I'd just never realized the extent to which some people go to appear bigger and better than life), and I wondered why someone would claim to have had a glorious vacation when her flight was cancelled, her luggage was lost for several days, she had become sick, and had reportedly melted down and screamed at the hotel staff. (Personally, I would have enjoyed sharing the drama story, more than pretending it never happened---but that's just me.)<br />
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This got me questioning how many "perfect" people I'd been fooled by over the years, people who appeared to possess confidence, conviction, and everything else that is enviable. I traced my newly discovered gullibility back to my first Barbie doll and the American advertising industry's airbrushed images of flawless beauty, spotless homes, and uninterrupted happiness. <i>Wow</i>, I wondered, <i>how could I have spent half a century vaguely believing that what looks good </i>is<i> good? </i>Aaack!<br />
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So I went out and found an excellent book, <i>The Gifts of Imperfection, </i>by research professor Brene Brown. This is what she wrote:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Perfectionism is <b>not the same thing as striving to be your best.</b> Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.</li>
<li>Perfectionism is <b>not self-improvement.</b> Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.</li>
<li>Perfectionism is <b>self-destructive</b> simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.</li>
<li>Perfectionism is <b>addictive</b> because when we do invariably experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough. So rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right.</li>
<li><b>Perfectionism hampers success.</b> In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, [eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders], and life-paralysis....It's terrifying to risk when you're a perfectionist; your self worth is on the line.</li>
<li>Feeling shamed, judged, and blamed (and the fear of these feelings) are realities of the human experience. <b>Perfectionism actually increases the odds that we'll experience painful emotions</b> and often leads to self-blame: It's my fault I'm feeling this way because "I'm not good enough."</li>
<li><b>Perfectionism exists along a continuum.</b> <b>We all have some perfectionistic tendencies.</b> For some, perfectionism may only emerge when they're feeling particularly vulnerable. For others, perfectionism can be compulsive, chronic, and debilitating, similar to addiction.</li>
</ul>
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Please join me here next week as we focus on how to overcome perfectionism and make peace with our humanness. </div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-51577221973410911992015-04-29T21:26:00.002-07:002015-04-30T20:58:38.132-07:00"Purposeful" as a Frame of Reference<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">W</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">hether you believe that everyone has an </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">inherent</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> life purpose or that we create our own as we go, you'll probably agree that purposeful actions and intentions yield better results than those which are random and haphazard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When you live your life according to what is
purposeful for you (what matters, and what will lead to desired results),
you gain a refreshing clarity and focus. When you have information about and understand your intrinsic values and purpose, you're able to weigh every choice against that. Every day, you can wake up and quickly
determine what is most purposeful for you to do, say, or experience. (This
takes into account not just your life purpose <i>work,</i> but your overall
values as an individual, partner, parent, citizen, etc.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">One day, it might feel
purposeful to clean out the garage, or visit an aging relative, or make sales calls,
or skip work and go to the beach. It’s not a simple matter of “shoulds” or
”wants,” but a matter of what aligns best with your overall values and desired outcomes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Seeing your day, week, year, or life this way is a game changer. It
eliminates scatteredness and cuts down on inessential or meaningless
tasks/energy drains. It takes some of the drudgery out of activities that
you’d otherwise rather not do. If it’s purposeful for you to cut down on sugar
or organize your office, there’s more motivation and meaningfulness in your
efforts than if you approached it from the perspective of “I should...” or “I
have to...” It feels more <i>grown up</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This week, I invite you to use<b> purposefulness</b> as a frame of reference to help you make meaningful, value-based choices of how to spend your
time, energy, money, and other resources, as well as to weed out less purposeful
endeavors. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For instance, each morning focus/prioritize your day to include as
many purposeful choices as possible (tasks, activities, purchases,
relationships, etc.) Maybe hire a house cleaner or get family members to pitch in more if your cleaning time would be better spent doing more essential or purposeful tasks. If you're looking for a job, apply only for those that feel in alignment with your values and goals. Whatever the choice is to be made, ask yourself, “Is this purposeful for me?"</span></div>
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Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8189097650917200619.post-73971260429663192662015-04-22T00:15:00.000-07:002015-04-22T00:15:00.236-07:00If You had a Personal Mantra or Motto, What would it be?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcFBjQM5Z4002K-zUu3BichCl37LtkYeRwwZ0jEDKBHWLPx-sksixjw_HppIQGHW3VI56P0PNIN2ZF0puZk1cgzzbbyjTXfThq85XwGv1bNZjXlyaUoO4pPxCc2Vekt0PjZGMAfzoOGyA/s1600/images+(80).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcFBjQM5Z4002K-zUu3BichCl37LtkYeRwwZ0jEDKBHWLPx-sksixjw_HppIQGHW3VI56P0PNIN2ZF0puZk1cgzzbbyjTXfThq85XwGv1bNZjXlyaUoO4pPxCc2Vekt0PjZGMAfzoOGyA/s1600/images+(80).jpg" height="171" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
If you had a motto in life, what would it be?<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><i>Life's too short not to have fun </i></li>
<li><i>It's all good</i></li>
<li><i>Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong</i></li>
<li><i>Live and let live </i></li>
<li><i>Always a bridesmaid, never a bride</i></li>
<li><i>Hakuna Matata</i></li>
<li><i>Nobody has any money</i></li>
<li><i>Live, l</i><i>ove, laugh</i></li>
<li><i>My bad...</i></li>
<li><i>Thank you, God! </i></li>
<li><i>The best things in life are free </i></li>
<li><i>Any job worth doing is worth doing well </i></li>
<li><i>Be here now</i></li>
<li><i>There aren't enough hours in the day...</i></li>
<li><i>Love makes the world go 'round </i></li>
<li><i>No good deed goes unpunished</i></li>
<li><i>Breathe... </i></li>
<li><i>You can do whatever you set your mind to</i></li>
<li><i>The devil made me do it!</i></li>
<li><i>I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!</i></li>
<li><i>If at first you don't succeed, try, try again</i></li>
<li><i>etc.</i></li>
</ul>
Interesting exercise, isn't it? Most of us don't realize we have an unconscious (or semi-consious) mantra playing in our heads, but we do. It might not involve words, per se, as much as a persistent feeling<i>, </i>such as<i> unappreciated, grateful just to be alive, </i>or<i> overwhelmed. </i><br />
<br />
Some of us bounce back and forth between two main states, such as <i>happy/grateful </i>and <i>grumpy/discouraged, </i>or some other form of <i>okay</i> and <i>not okay</i>, in which case there might be two alternating mantras. But, for the most part, people don't vary much from their established credo, so it's worth considering what you're reinforcing in yourself day after day.<br />
<br />
Personally, I tend to sway gently back and forth between, <i>All is well (Ommmm...), </i>and <i>Everything's a mess! </i>I feel either peaceful and content, or like everything's gone to hell in a hand basket. (I only admit this, by the way, as a means of encouraging <i>you</i> to own up to your underground motto. I assure you, it's quite liberating, and now that I know what's lurking there, I can challenge these dualistic thoughts when they arise).<br />
<br />
This week, I invite you to unearth a statement or two that sums up your philosophical stance on life. What effect does this motto have on you? Does it yield the results you're looking for, or is it limiting you in some important way? If it's a happy mantra, does it reflect your true thoughts and feelings, or is it more of an affirmation? Is this masking a deeper belief about life? If so, what is it?<br />
<br />Jill Shinn, M.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03700563533895723012noreply@blogger.com0