Post #90: How to Bust Your Phobia

The other day in my carpool, someone stated, "I'm a germaphobe." For half a second I felt courageous, because that's not a fear I happen to share. Then I remembered that my phobia du jour is similar, but just a different flavor. They all sort of are, aren't they?

Among other things, a phobia is a convenient way for our minds to gather up all the fragments of existential and free-floating fear and anxiety, and put them in one convenient package. The mind would argue that this makes it more "manageable:" Avoid spiders and you don't have to deal with the 1,000 other scary things you see, hear, and feel throughout the day. But does this really work?

On paper, it makes sense. It's like how making a to-do list allows you to get a handle on everything you have to do, so that you're not distracted by the inherent disorganization of human life. It helps you focus and consciously decide what your priorities are and how you will carry out tasks.

The trouble with phobias is that they are based on fear, and not simply the need to get things done. As human beings in a 3-D world, fear can be bigger than life. It can stop you in your tracks or cause you to do unbelievably desperate and outrageous things. Fear can sabotage relationships, ruin your health, and cause you to manifest your worst nightmares. Fear is not for the faint-hearted.

Yesterday, I had a little epiphany about my favorite phobia. I realized that while the phobia represents my fear, the actual fear is much more general and vast. I heard the crashing sounds of a garbage truck outside my window, and for a moment it felt like total chaos and global destruction---no universal destruction. And in that instant, my lifetime of rich, spiritual experiences meant nothing. I was reduced to a speck that would simply fly away and cease to exist. Wow....I didn't see that coming.

In that moment of raw fear, my phobia became meaningless. It seemed inconsequential compared to the terror that lurked beneath the surface. And then I thought of the germaphobe and the claustrophobe and the anachrophobe, and I realized that we're all the same. We're all dealing with some deep, dark, ambiguous fear of suffering, or annihilation, or impermanence.

Existentialists would say, "Ummm, duh...," but this was a revelation for me. I think we are so close to our fear, anxiety, and/or depression, that we can't always see it for what it is. And if we have deep spiritual beliefs, it's easy to disregard the power of these base-level survival fears. We've seen the tunnel of white light and we know there's nothing to be afraid of "over there," but our bodies don't know that. In fact, our bodies know that suffering and death are guaranteed.

So, what to do? For me, just realizing that my phobia was an impostor helped me tremendously. Oddly, I can deal with primal survival fear more easily that I can deal with an intense little phobia, which means that as a coping mechanism, the phobia was an epic fail. It didn't help me like it intended to. And I think this is common with phobias because they start out as small distractions, and then take on a life of their own.

What are you afraid of, and what might lurk beneath it? I recommend the following exercise:
Get relaxed, call a familiar fear to mind, and gently ask yourself the question,"What's so scary about that?" When you get an answer, ask again, "And what's so scary about that?" If you hang in there long enough to get to the heart of the matter, you might be surprised at what you discover. If you're anything like me, you'll get relief from busting the phobia and facing off with the real culprit (which is, at the very least, authentic).

Post #89: Symptoms of Spiritual Evolution

I woke up half a dozen times last night; my energy level has been all over the map; and issues I thought were long-since-resolved are back again for review. What is going on?

For a while now (since the 1960s, but especially since the mid-1980's), humanity has been undergoing a fairly intense period of evolution. In terms of human consciousness, it's as if someone put a kettle on the fire. Things have been heating up over time, but in 2012, we seem to have reached the boiling point.

For some of us, this has been a gradual process. We heard the inner call for change, did the work, read the books, attended the workshops. Others of us have been busy just living our lives, and haven't consciously noticed the inner call for change---that is, until now.

When evolutionary leaps happen, and the very fabric of our consciousness changes, we may experience mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual "symptoms." While these can vary in quality and intensity from person to person, there are common symptoms that many of us can relate to. Here are a few of them:

1.   Feeling unusually unsettled, depressed, weepy, or anxious 

2.   Swings in energy level and mood (dramatic ups and downs)

3.   An urgent desire to "find yourself" or find a deeper purpose in life

4.   A sudden change or ending with regard to relationships, job, residence, activities, etc.

5.   Increased sensitivity to foods, drugs, fragrances, crowds, noise

6.   A feeling that something has changed inside you, or that you don't recognize yourself

7.   Noticing that whatever hasn't been working (or has been operating underground) is now busting to the surface to be healed or released

8.   An increased occurrence of coincidences

9.   Sleep changes, frequent waking, vivid dreams

10. Periods of chronic or intense fatigue and/or listlessness

11. Unusual aches and pains throughout the body

12.  Growing intolerance for "old school" attitudes, prejudice, etc. Or, conversely, a growing ability to accept life as it is

13.  Ringing in the ears, or headaches

14.  Experiencing psychic phenomena (seeing or hearing things, having premonitions, getting strong gut feelings, etc.)

15.  Being weary of life and feeling a sense of wanting to "go home"

16.  Feeling generally overwhelmed with life

Needless to say, all of this can be draining and unsettling, especially if we don't realize what's going on. It's easy to spin out of control and think that there's something seriously wrong with us or the people around us.

The good news is that we are all in this together, and that we're moving toward something better than we've previously known. The challenge is that we can't opt out or make the process stop. Resistance is futile, but keeping your sense of humor and remembering that this, too, shall pass should help you get through it. (And, of course, if you feel you need the help of professionals, definately seek it).

So, what Ascension symptoms do you have?

Post #88: Is Tolerance for Intolerance Waning?

You might have heard the recent news story about Ryan Andresen, the (adorable) Moraga, California eagle scout candidate who was refused his award because he is gay.

Ryan entered boy scouts at the tender age of six, and his dream has been to earn his eagle scout designation. He worked diligently toward this goal for nearly 12 years, completing all of the rigorous requirements and paperwork. His eagle scout service project was to organize and work with students to create a 288-tile "Tolerance Wall" to raise awareness about bullying and the need to treat each other with dignity and respect.

Ryan's scout leader knew that he was gay and seemed to be supportive, implying that they could get around the BSA anti-gay policy, which is not strictly adhered to by all troops. (Note that this policy was recently reviewed and reinstated, which caused many organizations like United Way to discontinue their financial support of BSA).

When Ryan submitted his final paperwork, however, the scout leader denied his application, on the grounds that he is gay. It was also argued that Ryan didn't comply with the "Duty to God" clause, which his parents say is false---that he does believe in a higher power, but calls himself agnostic because he hasn't yet worked out the details of his spiritual life.

Needless to say, Ryan was shocked and devastated by what happened, and his very supportive mom began a petition, which attracted the support of people all over the world (see Boy Scout Petition). Within a few days, over 366,000 people signed this, and eagle scouts all over the country started turning in their medals--- either to the BSA in protest, or gifting them to Ryan (whose very supportive dad had to take out a post office box to receive all the medals that people were pledging!)

The story also caught the attention of the local and national media and Ellen DeGeneres, who invited Ryan to appear on her talk show, Ellen, this Thursday at 4:00 (pacific time) on NBC.

For me, the bottom line is that it's 2012 and this country is no longer a place where homophobia is nurtured and indulged. The BSA is a private organization that is entitled to set its own rules, but we are no longer a society that just rolls our eyes at bigotry. This is not to say that bigotry and intolerance are not still rampant here, because they are, but in 2012 we give a damn!

I am not a political person, but even I had to spring into action---not out of anger, but out of support for a fellow human being who deserves to be treated with respect, and honored for his accomplishments and good intentions. I say, "Well done, Ryan, and well done, you hundreds of thousands of people who stood up for him." This represents huge progress.

Post #87: Is It True what They Say about Trying?

Because we human beings communicate through speech, words are important. What we tell ourselves matters, and the messages we put out to the universe carry consequences. A few week ago, we talked about the tyranny of the should, and today I wanted to delve into the world of trying.

Maybe you've heard the saying, "There's no such thing as trying. You either do it or you don't." What do you think of this statement? Does it feel empowering, chastising, defeating? If you're anything like me, how you respond to this depends entirely on the situation, because there are many different levels and qualities of trying.

For the purpose of discussion, let's look at two examples of how the word is used:
Ex. A:  "I tried to phone you yesterday, but my cat kept distracting me."
Ex. B:  "I tried to rescue everyone from the blazing inferno, but the explosion knocked me unconscious."

I think we'd all agree that example A represents a lame excuse, and would easily fit within the criteria of "You either do it or you don't." But who would be insensitive enough to tell the injured fire fighter, "There's no such thing as trying..."? Let's face it, not all trying is created equal, and it might be useful to consider how much earnest effort is actually expended, and with what state of mind.

You might argue that, according to the law of attraction, "trying" is but a wishy-washy concept that boils down to "not doing," and that the universe only rewards your full commitment. This is how I interpret the saying about there being no such thing as trying. But what about intention? What power does that hold? I would say that in the overall scheme, intention packs a huge punch.

Here's what I'm thinking. There are different degrees of trying and intention. On a scale of 1 to 10, sometimes we're giving it a 1, and sometimes a 10. And some people, as a general pattern, try harder or hold more sincere intentions than others. There's no judgment about this; it's just the way people are designed.

So, individually, it all comes down to you and how the word "try" affects your life. For instance, when you tell yourself or others that you're trying to be on time, lose weight, find a better job, etc.,  but you're not putting any real effort or intention into achieving that goal, you're actually defeating yourself and establishing a faulty belief system that tells you and others that you're a failure. What started out as a decent intention ends up biting you in the backside. Ouch.

What is your relationship with the word "try"? This week, I ask you to join me in noticing when and how we use this word. Under what circumstances do you say it or think it, and with what results? Do you use it as an excuse or does it mean you're putting out your best effort? Please let me know how this goes. I'd love to hear from you.

Post #86: Why 2012 feels like a Pressure Cooker

Are you having an intense year? Is a particular issue in your face like never before? Virtually everyone I know is experiencing some form of this, and what I've seen in myself and the people who tell me their stories is that whatever issue has been brewing under the surface for years, is now forcing it's way to the surface to be healed or resolved, once and for all. There's no more messing around.

As I look around me, I see a multitude of relationship issues, health problems, work challenges, addictions, acute anxiety, you name it; if it's been operating benignly underground, it's erupting like a volcano in 2012. Why is this?

We've discussed the Mayan calendar and such things (see post #47 from Dec. 27, 2011) so I won't go into any of that, but let's just say there are some far out cosmic things going on that are causing 2012 to feel like a pressure cooker. There is also a pervasive cultural reaction to 2012 prophesies that has brought about many TV programs (like Revolution, as well as science and history channel shows), and movies about the end of the world as we know it. Even if you don't pay conscious attention to this, you may still be subject to its anxiety-provoking effects.

Regardless of what will or will not happen this year or in years to come, I believe that what is most important now is to take a serious (but kind) look at what life is serving up for you. It's a time to go easy on yourself while taking responsibility for what you have already manifested in your life. And it's a time for getting your priorities in order and making conscious decisions about what you are creating for the future. (Which doesn't mean "planning ahead" as much as it means getting in integrity with yourself now).

Personally, I think this is all good. I see evolution---individual and collective---unfolding right before our eyes. This feels like a golden (if sometimes hard-fought) opportunity to clear out everything that no longer works. It's not always fun, but it is necessary if we're to move forward unimpeded.

So, what's been up for you in 2012? What is life asking you to change or let go of? Whatever it is, it's probably the thing that's been holding you back from truly soaring. When you see the issue for what it is---an opportunity for growth---you can face it with compassion for yourself and others. I think you might eventually find that this was a critical process for you to go through, and you'll be proud that you were able to work with it, instead of running away from it.

Post #85: Getting What You Want, or Wanting What You Have?

I've spent years contemplating the pros and cons of two valuable spiritual perspectives. One is Eastern in origin and goes by many names, but mostly it goes by no name at all. It's what Eckhart Tolle describes in A New Earth and The Power of Now. Byron Katie calls it "loving what is." It might be labeled mindfulness, presence, Buddhism, Taoism, or any number of other names. For me, what it comes down to is keeping one's focus on the here and now whenever possible, and making peace with it---learning to find joy in it. (Note that learning to make peace with life can require a lot of unlearning).

The other spiritual perspective I'm referring to is associated with the law of attraction. It's based on the idea that what we hold in mind will manifest in our lives. The law itself is neutral and dispassionate, meaning that it represents pure cause and effect. The universe neither rewards nor punishes---it just delivers what we have ordered (through our consciousness). This law is always operating whether we believe in it or not, and whether we approach it consciously or not. When working with the law of attraction, there exists a heavy responsibility on the individual to hold in mind only what she wants to experience in her life, and she has to believe that it's on it's way. Any doubts or ambivalence can stand between her and her desires.

Both philosophies represent ways in which people can work with their thoughts and feelings to live happier lives, and both are tried and true. Both help us to raise our "vibration" and feel better, and both have huge global followings. So why embrace one philosophy over the other? Which one yields the best results?

After years of observation, I've noticed a couple interesting things. First of all, it's possible for these philosophies to coexist peacefully in your life, even though they appear to have very different goals, or be in direct conflict with each other. One has the goal of accepting life as it is, no matter what, and the other says you can have whatever you desire---love, radiant health, fame, fortune---if you change your thinking/feeling. One is based on not wanting, and the other is based on wanting. One discourages escapism while the other inadvertently promotes it. Even so, when you have these two tools available, you're ready for any situation.

The other observation is that since everyone has a personality, cultural background, etc., one philosophy may be a better fit than another. For example, my husband is a high-energy achiever/manifestor who comes from a big, boisterous, family. Although he's a spiritually-receptive person, the idea of surrender and accepting life as it is doesn't appeal to him in the slightest. He wants to create his world and make things happen. Buddhism is probably not for him.

I, on the other hand, am a contemplative woman who values peace and simplicity. While I have an artistic side and like to create beautiful things, my focus has mostly been on inner growth, and not on the external world. I have found that by working on my own healing and spiritual growth, I've unwittingly manifested everything that I might want. I've rarely ever practiced affirmations, and I find the use of visualizations, positive thinking, reaching for a better-feeling thought, vision boards, etc. to be effective, but slightly stressful and exhausting. Words like "abundance" and "prosperity" get on my nerves, while "acceptance" and "being" feel nourishing to me.

Ultimately, this is an "elephant and the blind man" distinction because we're just looking at two of many spiritual lessons that I believe humans will eventually learn during our long spiritual careers. Each perspective we embrace may seem like the whole elephant, but it's just the lesson we're learning now. And we're each doing the "right" spiritual work, even if it's different than what our neighbor might be doing.

So, what do you practice? What spiritual perspectives (these or others) fit you best?

Post #84: How Do You Know That?

Over the weekend, I went to my daughter's soccer game. The other team didn't show up, so it was decided that the parents and siblings would form a team to play against the girls.

The season hadn't been going well for my daughter's team (in terms of wins and losses, that is). In fact, they hadn't come close to winning a single game, and one of the moms was very concerned about the effect this might be having on the girls' self esteem. As the scrimmage began, she stated firmly, "The whole purpose of this game is so the girls can win. It is of critical importance that they experience a success."  Hmmm, I wondered. How does she know that?

What did the mom imagine would happen if they didn't experience success on this team? Would the girls quit soccer altogether and seek out something easier that would guarantee success? Would they become so dejected that they'd flunk out of school and start smoking cigarettes and shoplifting? And what if the parent and sibling team let them win because they thought the girls were too fragile to experience another loss? What would that do to their self esteem?

For me, one of the most interesting aspects of life is how often things don't turn out as we were expecting them to. "A" doesn't always lead to "B." Like how big lottery winners stereotypically end up lonely and miserable, and how cancer survivors so often become filled with gratitude and a higher sense of purpose. Or how bullies turn out to be the weak ones, while "nerds" tend to grow up to be successful.

Let's face it, we humans are wrong a lot of the time, and I believe this is all by design. We came to this crazy little planet to make mistakes and to learn hard lessons. We're a tough breed, to be sure. This is not a place for the faint-hearted, and we knew that when we signed up for it.

Did you ever read the great 1960's children's book, Fortunately, by Remy Charlip? It's about a boy named Ned who, fortunately, was invited to an awesome surprise birthday party in another state. Unfortunately, getting to the party turned out to be a huge ordeal. It had many, many ups and downs, including Ned's airplane exploding, his parachute being defective, etc. Fortunately, in the end, Ned makes it to the party in one piece, and the gala event turns out to be worth the series of unfortunate events that led up to it.

Life is sort of like that, isn't it? The struggles we go through help us become the strong, compassionate people we would not have become if we had "experienced success" in everything we did. Sometimes life knows better than us what we need, or what our children need. How do I know that? (Good question!)