Post #94: The Long and Winding Road...

Last week, the music of The Beatles filled my home as my husband practiced several of their songs for a Sunday performance. I was taken in by the beauty and meloncholy of The Long and Winding Road, which seemed to sum up our human/spiritual trek:

The Long and winding road, that leads to your door 
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before
It always leads me here, leads me to your door...

This is a song for our weary moments, but it's also a validation of the heroes journey that we are all on. No matter our age or our circumstances, if we're born into human bodies, we share a common DNA that knows the joys and the hardships of having a physical experience in a dualistic world.

In our very cells, we hold the sorrow and the strife of forgetting who we really are, and continually having to find our way back home---back to our Higher Self, or God, or our soul's immortality. This is why Joseph Campbell called it a heroes journey---this long and winding road is not for the faint-hearted.

As I listened to the lyrics of the song, I thought they were perfect, except for, "Anyway, you'll never know the many ways I've tried...," because I believe spirit knows and honors every ounce of effort we have ever made, no matter what the outcome.

Interestingly though, this morning when I looked up a video of The Beatles performing the song, Paul had changed that one line. He sang, "Anyway, you've always known the many ways I've tried." I loved how this, along with his scruffy beard and compassionate eyes, seemed to perfectly demonstrate just how the journey works. The road to spiritual awakening is long and winding, but I believe it's the very road we all came here to travel.

This Thanksgiving, as you contemplate what you have to be grateful for, please take a moment to appreciate all the progress you've made during your life, even if it doesn't feel like much. Know that appearances can be deceiving, and that everything you've ever done, thought, or felt has led you a little closer to where you need to be. Happy Thanksgiving.

Post #93: Do You Have Time to Smell the Roses?

Does this year feel---I don't know---odd to you? I keep hearing people say that they feel reality changing, or that time seems warped, or that their bodies feel different. Have you noticed how many relationships are breaking up? Big shifts. 2012 stuff.

I know there's been a lot of talk and build-up surrounding 2012 prophesies, the ending of the Mayan calendar, cosmic changes, etc., but there was also a lot of hype about Y2K, and I don't remember much coming of that, or at least not in an obvious and direct way.

But this is different. It's like being in the washing machine and going through the gamut of cycles. It's deep and watery, agitating, still for awhile, until spinning out of control. Then it stops and you get thrown into the hot dryer, or hung out to dry. It's exhausting and disorienting, but it's cleansing, and a bit thrilling, too.

I know we're all busy and there's much to be done, but there's also quite a bit that we cram into our days that is unnecessary and just plain stressful. There are so many great opportunities in modern life, and we love to schedule fun and enriching activities, but how many of these turn out to be time commitments that take us away from spending a peaceful moment alone or with the ones we love? I think of this as "party-hopping mentality." You can't say no, so you do it all and end up wishing you'd stayed home and painted your toenails!

Life is changing (I believe scientists have actually verified that time is speeding up), so in order to slow down and smell the roses, most of us now have to make a conscious decision to do so. With the holidays approaching, I am vowing to keep life as simple as possible, which means being very conscious of what I say yes and no to. I try to remember that it's okay to respond, "Thanks for asking! Let me think about it and I'll get back to you," or, "I'd love to, but I'll have to check my schedule and see if it works for me." This also goes for invitations and expectations we place on ourselves. Self-bullying is when you force a trip to the gym when it really doesn't fit.

Are you too busy and/or having trouble keeping your feet on the ground? If so, what could you cut from your schedule? This might be a great time to reassess your priorities and modify your lifestyle. Good luck, and have a beautiful week!

Post #92: Empath-ology

Last week, we started looking at what it means to be an empath. This week, I wanted to give you some ideas for protecting yourself from absorbing everyone else's "stuff." But first, I thought it would be helpful to distinguish between a few related terms. See if you can find your past or present self in these descriptions.

A Codependent is someone with self-esteem issues and poor personal/interpersonal boundaries. Codependency interferes with a person's ability to have healthy, mutual relationships and a healthy sense of self. (Note that this is very common and is readily treatable through therapy, 12-step programs like Al Anon and CoDA, etc.).

A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is someone whose nervous system is especially sensitive, such that social stimulation, loud noises, bright lights, coarse fabrics, etc., can cause discomfort or overwhelm. An HSP may or may not be an Empath. This is considered a neutral trait. (For more information, see the work of Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D).

An Empath is, most likely, a Highly Sensitive Person whose energy field naturally merges with others, often  for the purpose of helping or relieving the burdens of others. A skilled empath has learned healthy boundaries, while an unskilled empath may have poor boundaries and be quite codependent.

Now that we have that sorted out, let's look at some different avenues available for protecting ourselves from taking on too much of other people's energy. The way I see it, there are three main ways of doing this.

1.  Educate yourself on the ways of the empath. Read a great book like Become the Most Important Person in the Room: Your 30-Day Plan for Empath Empowerment by Rose Rosetree. You'll be amazed at all the traps you've fallen into, and how a little knowledge of the terrain can help correct your course. You'll also discover that there are different types of empaths: emotional empaths, intellectual empaths, medical empaths, animal empaths, crystal empaths, etc.

2.  Become discriminating in what you expose yourself to. You may not like the word, "avoidance," but until you become an extremely skilled empath, you might have to avoid all sorts of people, places, and things that non-empaths don't worry about. You can probably think of several examples, such as "toxic" co-workers, unattractive environments, or disturbing news stories or movies that you know may overwhelm or drain you.

3.  Employ the use of energywork techniques, such as grounding, shielding, clearing and chakra balancing. These practices can be very effective, especially when used along with the above. It should be noted, however, that empaths unconsciously merge with others, so awareness and changes of habit are as necessary for protection as visualizing white light around yourself. (See posts #27-30 from August, 2011 to learn more about simple energywork techniques that are perfect for empaths).

Post #91: Are You an Empath?

I'm not referring to science fiction characters here---I'm just talking about normal(ish) people like you and me who possess extraordinary empathic skills. Virtually all humans are empathetic by nature (although people with certain mental conditions appear to lack this trait). So, what is empathy, and how does it differ from sympathy?

In graduate school, we defined empathy as the healthy ability to put oneself in someone else's shoes and  experience compassion for their situation. Sympathy was when we crossed the line and mentally or emotionally merged with someone else's internal situation, often to our own detriment. Great distinction, and an important one, too. Unfortunately the word "sympath" does not exist alongside "empath," and we empaths are known not only for our healthy compassion, but also our willingness to take the emotional hit for someone else (anyone else!)

I should clarify this, because it's not that we're always willing to take the hit----but rather that we are naturally receptive and permeable, so we soak up other people's emotions, stress, etc., automatically. Some empaths don't realize what's going on and are defenseless, living on an emotional rollercoaster and feeling drained, overwhelmed, and often ill. Others become hermits because they know they are affected by other people's energy, but don't know how to protect themselves, so they withdraw entirely. Still others find a way to develop healthy boundaries and filters.

Sounds rough, doesn't it? And being an empath can be excruciating, but it can also be a blessing, because empathy is the glue that bonds humanity, and possessing a lot of it can help us love and have compassion for all forms of life. It's one thing to cheer for your own child, but empathy allows you to cheer for anyone, anywhere, and to be genuinely happy when they succeed. It allows you to care enough about strangers to donate coats and blankets, and then experience the warm satisfaction of knowing you made a difference.

Next week, we will go over a few effective ways for empaths to protect themselves from absorbing too much negative energy, but for this week I'm asking you to notice your shifts in mood. Maybe one minute you're fine, and the next minute you take a nose dive. Or, perhaps, a conversation with your mother or boyfriend leaves you feeling drained or depressed. Just keep an eye out for cause and effect. What precipitated the shift? This exercise will provide important information that'll help you learn to prevent these swings in the future.

                                "Gem" from Star Trek

Post #90: How to Bust Your Phobia

The other day in my carpool, someone stated, "I'm a germaphobe." For half a second I felt courageous, because that's not a fear I happen to share. Then I remembered that my phobia du jour is similar, but just a different flavor. They all sort of are, aren't they?

Among other things, a phobia is a convenient way for our minds to gather up all the fragments of existential and free-floating fear and anxiety, and put them in one convenient package. The mind would argue that this makes it more "manageable:" Avoid spiders and you don't have to deal with the 1,000 other scary things you see, hear, and feel throughout the day. But does this really work?

On paper, it makes sense. It's like how making a to-do list allows you to get a handle on everything you have to do, so that you're not distracted by the inherent disorganization of human life. It helps you focus and consciously decide what your priorities are and how you will carry out tasks.

The trouble with phobias is that they are based on fear, and not simply the need to get things done. As human beings in a 3-D world, fear can be bigger than life. It can stop you in your tracks or cause you to do unbelievably desperate and outrageous things. Fear can sabotage relationships, ruin your health, and cause you to manifest your worst nightmares. Fear is not for the faint-hearted.

Yesterday, I had a little epiphany about my favorite phobia. I realized that while the phobia represents my fear, the actual fear is much more general and vast. I heard the crashing sounds of a garbage truck outside my window, and for a moment it felt like total chaos and global destruction---no universal destruction. And in that instant, my lifetime of rich, spiritual experiences meant nothing. I was reduced to a speck that would simply fly away and cease to exist. Wow....I didn't see that coming.

In that moment of raw fear, my phobia became meaningless. It seemed inconsequential compared to the terror that lurked beneath the surface. And then I thought of the germaphobe and the claustrophobe and the anachrophobe, and I realized that we're all the same. We're all dealing with some deep, dark, ambiguous fear of suffering, or annihilation, or impermanence.

Existentialists would say, "Ummm, duh...," but this was a revelation for me. I think we are so close to our fear, anxiety, and/or depression, that we can't always see it for what it is. And if we have deep spiritual beliefs, it's easy to disregard the power of these base-level survival fears. We've seen the tunnel of white light and we know there's nothing to be afraid of "over there," but our bodies don't know that. In fact, our bodies know that suffering and death are guaranteed.

So, what to do? For me, just realizing that my phobia was an impostor helped me tremendously. Oddly, I can deal with primal survival fear more easily that I can deal with an intense little phobia, which means that as a coping mechanism, the phobia was an epic fail. It didn't help me like it intended to. And I think this is common with phobias because they start out as small distractions, and then take on a life of their own.

What are you afraid of, and what might lurk beneath it? I recommend the following exercise:
Get relaxed, call a familiar fear to mind, and gently ask yourself the question,"What's so scary about that?" When you get an answer, ask again, "And what's so scary about that?" If you hang in there long enough to get to the heart of the matter, you might be surprised at what you discover. If you're anything like me, you'll get relief from busting the phobia and facing off with the real culprit (which is, at the very least, authentic).

Post #89: Symptoms of Spiritual Evolution

I woke up half a dozen times last night; my energy level has been all over the map; and issues I thought were long-since-resolved are back again for review. What is going on?

For a while now (since the 1960s, but especially since the mid-1980's), humanity has been undergoing a fairly intense period of evolution. In terms of human consciousness, it's as if someone put a kettle on the fire. Things have been heating up over time, but in 2012, we seem to have reached the boiling point.

For some of us, this has been a gradual process. We heard the inner call for change, did the work, read the books, attended the workshops. Others of us have been busy just living our lives, and haven't consciously noticed the inner call for change---that is, until now.

When evolutionary leaps happen, and the very fabric of our consciousness changes, we may experience mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual "symptoms." While these can vary in quality and intensity from person to person, there are common symptoms that many of us can relate to. Here are a few of them:

1.   Feeling unusually unsettled, depressed, weepy, or anxious 

2.   Swings in energy level and mood (dramatic ups and downs)

3.   An urgent desire to "find yourself" or find a deeper purpose in life

4.   A sudden change or ending with regard to relationships, job, residence, activities, etc.

5.   Increased sensitivity to foods, drugs, fragrances, crowds, noise

6.   A feeling that something has changed inside you, or that you don't recognize yourself

7.   Noticing that whatever hasn't been working (or has been operating underground) is now busting to the surface to be healed or released

8.   An increased occurrence of coincidences

9.   Sleep changes, frequent waking, vivid dreams

10. Periods of chronic or intense fatigue and/or listlessness

11. Unusual aches and pains throughout the body

12.  Growing intolerance for "old school" attitudes, prejudice, etc. Or, conversely, a growing ability to accept life as it is

13.  Ringing in the ears, or headaches

14.  Experiencing psychic phenomena (seeing or hearing things, having premonitions, getting strong gut feelings, etc.)

15.  Being weary of life and feeling a sense of wanting to "go home"

16.  Feeling generally overwhelmed with life

Needless to say, all of this can be draining and unsettling, especially if we don't realize what's going on. It's easy to spin out of control and think that there's something seriously wrong with us or the people around us.

The good news is that we are all in this together, and that we're moving toward something better than we've previously known. The challenge is that we can't opt out or make the process stop. Resistance is futile, but keeping your sense of humor and remembering that this, too, shall pass should help you get through it. (And, of course, if you feel you need the help of professionals, definately seek it).

So, what Ascension symptoms do you have?

Post #88: Is Tolerance for Intolerance Waning?

You might have heard the recent news story about Ryan Andresen, the (adorable) Moraga, California eagle scout candidate who was refused his award because he is gay.

Ryan entered boy scouts at the tender age of six, and his dream has been to earn his eagle scout designation. He worked diligently toward this goal for nearly 12 years, completing all of the rigorous requirements and paperwork. His eagle scout service project was to organize and work with students to create a 288-tile "Tolerance Wall" to raise awareness about bullying and the need to treat each other with dignity and respect.

Ryan's scout leader knew that he was gay and seemed to be supportive, implying that they could get around the BSA anti-gay policy, which is not strictly adhered to by all troops. (Note that this policy was recently reviewed and reinstated, which caused many organizations like United Way to discontinue their financial support of BSA).

When Ryan submitted his final paperwork, however, the scout leader denied his application, on the grounds that he is gay. It was also argued that Ryan didn't comply with the "Duty to God" clause, which his parents say is false---that he does believe in a higher power, but calls himself agnostic because he hasn't yet worked out the details of his spiritual life.

Needless to say, Ryan was shocked and devastated by what happened, and his very supportive mom began a petition, which attracted the support of people all over the world (see Boy Scout Petition). Within a few days, over 366,000 people signed this, and eagle scouts all over the country started turning in their medals--- either to the BSA in protest, or gifting them to Ryan (whose very supportive dad had to take out a post office box to receive all the medals that people were pledging!)

The story also caught the attention of the local and national media and Ellen DeGeneres, who invited Ryan to appear on her talk show, Ellen, this Thursday at 4:00 (pacific time) on NBC.

For me, the bottom line is that it's 2012 and this country is no longer a place where homophobia is nurtured and indulged. The BSA is a private organization that is entitled to set its own rules, but we are no longer a society that just rolls our eyes at bigotry. This is not to say that bigotry and intolerance are not still rampant here, because they are, but in 2012 we give a damn!

I am not a political person, but even I had to spring into action---not out of anger, but out of support for a fellow human being who deserves to be treated with respect, and honored for his accomplishments and good intentions. I say, "Well done, Ryan, and well done, you hundreds of thousands of people who stood up for him." This represents huge progress.