Your Life Review

Have you ever heard of the "life review?" This can be seen as anything from a minute of serious reflection, to our lives flashing before our eyes during a frightening moment, to what occurs when a patient is pronounced dead and then returns to life, to what hypnosis clients report as happening in that space between lives, to a full blown fundamentalist "judgment day." The life review may come in many forms, purposes, and implications, but in essence it is a powerful opportunity to review and evaluate one's life.

The great thing about life reviews, especially those done before one's physical death, is that they allow us to step back from our daily lives and our habitual patterns or attitudes, and see the bigger picture of who we are, what effect we're having on the world, and whether we're achieving what we came into these bodies to achieve. For instance, some people get caught up in material pursuits and neglect their loved ones, only to end up lonely and full of regrets later in life.

You may have heard of Dr. Raymond Moody. He's the researcher who coined the term NDE, or Near Death Experience. His research uncovered patterns in the experiences of thousands of people who had clinically died, left their bodies, and then returned to life after moments or even several minutes. Often, these patients reported that during this time out of body, they relived every moment of their life, in chronological order, from birth until the present, and that it was alive, in 3-D, and contained every thought and feeling they had ever experienced, as well as what others experienced. They say this all occurred at lightning speed.

Typically, patients who had this experience went on to change their lives for the better. They got their priorities in order, became better people, sometimes even experienced major personality or life changes. This reminds me of a recent episode of American Pickers in which a man who owned a barn full of collectibles wanted to sell it all. When asked why he was doing this, he told Mike and Frank that he and his wife had suffered a very serious car accident the year before, and that the experience changed them forever. He said that they no longer saw the value in owning all that stuff, and that they wanted to sell it and use the money for the good of humanity. 

Have you ever had what you would call a life review? If so, what effect did it have on you? Personally, I've never had a Near Death Experience, but I've certainly had other dramatic "wake up calls" that made me sit back and review where I'd been, where I was going, and what changes I needed to make in my life. These experiences, although humbling and sometimes unpleasant, are gifts from the universe, golden moments that we can only benefit from if we're willing to take them seriously.

This week, I ask you to review your life or perhaps a period of your life that seems particularly relevant. Where have you been on your path? What have you learned? Are you satisfied with your relationships, work life, values, conscience, bodily habits, self esteem? Does anything stand out as incomplete? Do you need to forgive someone, or ask for another for their forgiveness? Do you see any patterns that need to be addressed? Is addiction, compulsion, guilt, dishonesty, etc., controlling your life?

This is a time to see the bigger picture, and not engage in the usual litany of gripes ("I need to lose weight, stop smoking, get a better job, declutter my house.") Certainly any nagging issues matter, but the life review is bigger than that. Think of it as a "deathbed" experience. If you were in your last moments of life, what would you be pleased about and what would bring you sorrow? This is an opportunity to save yourself from regrets, and create the best, most fulfilling life you can have. Ultimately I think we all deserve that.

Steps for Healing Wounds

Last week we discussed emotional wounds and issues, and how they serve as a gateway or launch pad to our personal evolution. We defined ordinary wounds as using what has happened against ourselves, limiting our possibilities in life. Sacred wounds are when we shift our focus to the infinite possibilities of our spiritual growth.

So, how do we do this? Actually the process is the same whether the wound is old or new, big or small, nagging or excruciating. Any time life jabs us, it is an indication that we're on the cutting edge of our potential for growth. It is life giving us an opportunity to expand above and beyond who we were before.

Life on earth is like a school for accelerated learning. We have easy classes and hard classes. The easy ones are a nice break from the rigors of the more challenging ones, but if they were all easy, we wouldn't learn very much, and we would quickly get bored. It would be a waste of our time and energy.

We knew this when we sign up for our life. We chose what areas we wanted to work on, and we set up challenges that would drive our learning processes. Were these lessons meant to be fun and easy, like in kindergarten? Some of them, maybe, but not the big ones. Learning to forgive ourselves and others, to overcome hatred or self-loathing, or to trust after suffering betrayal---these trials require us to work hard and overcome painful wounds or issues.

The following are some simple but potent steps for healing:
1.  See wounds and issues as golden opportunities for growth, sign posts for where you most need to go.
2.  Resist the temptation to see yourself as permanently flawed, damaged, or victimized.
3.  Turn your attention from outside circumstances/people, to inner awareness.
4.  Use whatever techniques you know for getting to the core of a wound or issue, such as journaling, meditation, focusing, or consulting a therapist.
5.  Once you understand the core issue, release or surrender it to your Higher Self or a Higher Power for healing.
6.  Forgive yourself and anyone else involved.
7.  Take whatever action steps are necessary for improving your life.
8.  Ask the universe for help when you don't know what to do, or when it seems too difficult to handle.

Moving Beyond Woundedness

Are you wounded in any way? If you're a human being, the answer has got to be yes. If you think I'm being negative, or overreacting, or trying to pathologize you, consider this:  before you were born, everything was lovely. You were warm and cozy all the time. You were protected, well fed, and never lonely. Then came the trauma of birth. Physical pain, intense pressure, screaming, bright lights, coldness, yucky smells, you get the picture. Welcome to planet earth! (Okay, I admit that sounds negative...)

My point? Human life is full of jarring, insulting, potentially damaging situations, and even the most resilient of us end up with wounds, which can lead to nagging or even catastrophic "issues." Let's take a moment to explore this further.

What are wounds? Wounds can be defined as marks left behind (by any kind of physical, mental, or emotional injury) that cause or support negative ideas we have about life, ourselves, or others. What makes an event wounding is not the event itself, but how we use it against ourselves and others. 

Issues are the result of our reaction to a wound, which is a personal, individual response (although there are common patterns within humanity). The injuries we suffer can promote small to huge distortions in our perceptions, which can limit our ability to engage happily in life.

For instance, experiencing a heart break can result in anything from a moment of sadness to a decision never to love again. How we respond to any situation depends on our personality, life experience, maturity, mental/emotional/physical health, genetics, cultural ideas, spiritual ideas, basic resiliency, and many other factors.

From Ordinary to Sacred
Linda Howe, author of Healing through the Akashic Records, writes:

"Because humans have suffered wounds for as long as we have been on earth, it makes sense to consider that there is a purpose---a spiritual purpose---for this wounding experience. There is a sacred opportunity within every wound:  the chance to become aware of the Divine Reality through our own humanity. Difficult and often damaging human experiences form a crucible within which we encounter the Divine Presence. They offer us the opportunity to transform every aspect of our being, from our perceptions to the way we express ourselves in the world.........Using what has happened against ourselves, limiting our possibilities in life---this is ordinary. The wound becomes sacred when we shift our focus to the infinite possibility of our spiritual healing........When we perceive our wounds as sacred, they indicate a path. As we walk this path, they become links to our own humanity, our connection to the humanity of others, and our point of contact to the Divine."

Sounds hopeful, doesn't it? This week, I ask you to look at your past and present wounds and gently notice how you are managing them. You may find that great healing has resulted from certain wounds, while you still struggle with others. Next week, we'll look at how you can move past your current (and even future) challenges.

Have a beautiful week.

Accept It or Change It (because grumbling gets us nowhere)

For years I grumbled about clutter in my home. "It's their fault," I told myself, because I knew I wasn't the pack rat. When I tried to get rid of stuff, they got mad at me, and it was an ugly scene. When I did manage to clear a space, it would get filled up again virtually overnight. I was between a rock and a hard place.

Eventually I stopped trying and decided I needed to just accept the situation. Why, I asked myself, was this such a big deal? That philosophy worked to some degree, and it could have been my ticket to freedom, except for the fact was that it was not okay with me and I was playing small regarding something that was largely within my power to change. It wasn't like I was trying to build a time machine or cure cancer, for heaven's sake---I just wanted to improve the vibe of my home.

I knew I couldn't change them, but I could get creative and get to work! I could stop whining and start going through drawers. I could rework and refresh one area at a time. I could do this in a peaceful, confident, and non-punitive way that didn't cause others to panic or feel threatened. There would still be stuff around that I didn't like, but these items are where I would apply my acceptance. I would remind myself that I'm not the only person who lives in the house, and that's it's appropriate to compromise.

When I stopped grumbling, stopped trying to accept something that was unacceptable, and started doing the work of positive change, my whole attitude shifted. I realized that I had been in charge of my situation all along, but hadn't realize it.

Is there an area of your life where you grumble and complain incessantly? This is where you're leaking your energy and power. This is the area where you're, perhaps, not taking responsibility for your life. If you have an argument ready to go about how you really are powerless in this situation, then you're right. There's nowhere to go from there.

Sometimes the answer to our discontentment is to accept a person or situation the way it is. (Controlling and judging everything just causes friction, and expecting things to be perfect is unrealistic). Sometimes the answer is to gather our courage and change the situation in some key way This can be stressful or require a lot of energy or innovation on our part. It can involve personal or financial risk.

Even if the solution is obvious to others, acceptance and/or change are not easy. If they were, we wouldn't have grumbled for so long. But whining puts out a very weak signal to the universe, and we don't want to do that anymore, do we?

This week, I ask you to scan your life for where you might be feeling stuck or chronically aggravated. It's time to take your power back by either accepting the situation and finding peace there, or doing the work of change. Resist the temptation to blame others or get into a depressed funk about it. I guarantee you that inside of you is a bold, bright, creative soul who can push past your current limitations. Connect with that essence and just watch things improve. You can do this.

The Fine Art of Giving and Receiving

Do you remember the old book title, Women Who Love Too Much? Well, I never read that book because the title didn't work for me. I knew it wasn't possible to love too much, since our highest and most precious nature is to love and to give and receive freely. But I understood the author's intention. It was a warning about giving of ourselves indiscriminately, compulsively, for the wrong reasons, or to people who didn't want our "love."

Let me ask you this:  Are you happy with your current experience of giving and receiving? Are you able to give freely without feeling resentful or depleted? Are you able to receive freely without feeling uncomfortable (or others calling you selfish)?

This giving and receiving business is more complicated than you might think, or should I say our egos complicate the simple, natural, and logical process of being in the flow of circulation. The ego has a million tricks up it's sleeve to ensure that we get our human needs met, or that we deny ourselves what we need if we deem ourselves unworthy.

The way I see it, when you give anything (love, money, time, support) freely and with no strings attached, you feel great. If you don't feel great, it means you gave for the wrong reason, or you gave something that wasn't yours to give, or perhaps you gave to someone who clearly didn't want it. When you give from any place other than your heart or Higher Self, there are bound to be consequences.

For instance, many people are in the habit of giving to get. They give love so that someone will love them back. They give gifts or money out of guilt, or to buy someone's affection or a favor, or as a way of feeling like a worthwhile person to have around. Ultimately, this kind of giving is controlling and manipulative, even if unintended. The same can be said for it's flip side, withholding (which is what we do when our giving doesn't "work," or when we want to punish someone for not giving us what we wanted).

And then there's receiving, which is like giving in that there are lower qualities of it as well as higher qualities. Pure receiving is just the flip side of genuine giving, because when we give freely and with love, we receive that love back instantaneously---not necessarily from the recipient, but from the very joy of our own giving. Giving also happens to create the perfect conditions for abundant receiving from the outside.

The Law of Circulation says that true giving and receiving are part of the same flow.They can't really be separated. You can't truly enjoy giving if you don't know how to receive. And you can't enjoy the full benefits of receiving if you don't know how to give. (Regardless of how it looks, being selfish is actually a drag.)

So where are you in all this? This week, I ask you to notice where your giving and receiving feel pure and joyful, and where they don't. You may notice a general pattern, or that you have a specific area of concern, such as with the flow of money or love. Being honest about where you are can really open the doors to positive change.

Have a beautiful week.

"It's All Good" (Is that Really True?)

You may have heard the expression, "Gratitude is not about having what you want, but wanting what you have." And the quality of grace is similar in that it implies the presence of a divine goodness and care permeating everything, even the things that look bleak or feel miserable. Faith means trusting in a force greater than yourself, even if you have no proof.

It seems to me that gratitude, grace, and faith go hand in hand. When we feel the presence of grace in our lives, we can't help but experience gratitude for all aspects our lives, and faith that everything will be okay in the long run. Or is it the other way around? Do the practices of gratitude and faith lead to the blissful state of grace---that warm, fuzzy feeling of being surrounded and enfolded with love, care, protection, and higher purpose (even when things aren't going well on the outside)?

When people say, "It's all good," I think it means they're working on mastering gratitude, grace, and faith. They may not actually believe that everything is good all the time, but they're committed to the practice and process of uplifting their own thoughts and emotions and sharing that intention with others. They're saying that they refuse to buy into the idea that anything could be inherently bad or without purpose. "It's all good" is a huge spiritual statement (even if it's sometimes annoying!) 

This week, I ask you to look at your relationship to gratitude, grace, and faith. If these words sound soothing and attractive to you but you'd like help in strengthening them in your life, I suggest that you start a daily gratitude journal. Just write down everything you can think of that you're thankful for, even if you can only think of a few things. I'm confident that once you get started, your life will improve right away, and your gratitude, faith, and perception of grace will deepen and grow.

Not Buying In to "Decline"

Here on earth we have physical bodies, and physical bodies have a beginning, a middle, and an end. When we're young, we work hard to learn to use our bodies and minds to their fullest. Then we reach some level of competence or near-mastery, which we call our prime. After that, those of us who live long enough will begin a physical (and to varying degrees, mental) decline. That's all normal and to be expected, but it comes with many issues and emotions.

The funny thing about all this is how we (especially Westerners) tend to get fooled by part three of this process. We know very well that struggling toddlers will grow up to be competent adults, but when competent adults transition into struggling old folks, we sometimes forget who they were, and still are underneath the illusion of disability and aging bodies.

I recently learned this the hard way. My mother had been ill for several years, and during that time I watched her transition from being the mom I always knew and loved, to being the seemingly occasional inhabitant of a very sick, very frail, and very much disabled body. Because this happened over time, and not all at once, I adjusted to the changes as they came and gradually lost sight of the very alive, very vibrant person my mother had always been. Even though I never stopped loving her or respecting her, I bought into the idea that she had become a sick person who couldn't speak or think clearly. I forgot that a soul---especially a very bright soul like my mom's---could never get sick and fade away.

Within a day or two of her passing, I started feeling my vibrant mother's presence around me again. She presented as her younger, more beautiful self, but with even more uniqueness and specialness than I had attributed to her in this lifetime. I sensed not only the loving mom I had known, but a spectacular soul with great power and purpose beyond anything I had previously recognized.

At first I was saddened by having bought into her "decline," but then I realized that my misconception had gone even deeper. I had bought into the illusion that this glorious soul had just been my kind and gentle mother. She had always been there, ever in service to others and myself, so I never stopped to consider who she really was. It had never occurred to me that her body and personality and strengths and weaknesses were not who she really was.

Now that I felt her true, pure nature around me, I could see more clearly how the "veil" really works. If we had full access to our own and everyone else's greatness and beauty, we wouldn't have to work so hard, and we wouldn't learn so much. We'd never get hurt or angry or feel regret. If reality was all laid out for us, we'd just savor every moment with ourselves and our loved ones---and with every being we came in contact with. It would be a totally different experience.

Thank you, Mom, for teaching me and loving me so perfectly even after you were gone from this earth. I promise to try harder to remember my own greatness and that of every person I come in contact with. I won't always succeed, but I will endeavor to not buy into the idea that anyone could truly be poor or sick or unintelligent or unkind. I will try to glimpse the greatness of the soul behind every mask. Thank you for that and so much more.