Is Karma Our Friend?

            The law of karma, or cause and effect, is one of the most misunderstood of the universal laws.This is due to our ego’s orientation toward duality: right and wrong, innocence and guilt, victim and perpetrator. Through the eyes of the ego (and society), if we do something “bad,” we expect to be punished, whereas if we do something “good,” we expect to be rewarded. From the perspective of Spirit, it is not so black and white. 
            Unlike the physical world, in the spirit world there’s nobody outside of ourselves judging us or deciding what price we’re going to pay for our deeds. Ultimately, we are our only judges. Rather than dole out rewards or punishment,  karma acts as a neutral accounting system, one that has the effect of balancing that which may previously have been out of balance. 
            Like the law of attraction, the law of karma says that every thought, word and action acts like a boomerang. Whatever we throw out there will eventually come back to us---just because that's the law. It might not look the same, but the lesson or the vibrational content will match. It may come back to us instantaneously, like the guilt we feel when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings (or the joy we feel when we've done something kind), or it may take lifetimes to manifest, but manifest it will.
           The important thing to realize is that the process of karma is ultimately our friend. The hard-won lessons from our past have shaped us into better people today. Who we are now is the sum total of all our thoughts, words, and actions that came before. And if that's not a great comfort to you, don't worry. You can turn it all around right now----because this is the most important moment, the most relevant moment, there is.
           Remember what the great Yogananda said, "A saint is a sinner who never gave up." 

Meditation: It's Not Complicated

                         
First of all (in my defense), I’d like to say that I've done a fair bit of meditating in my life. Have I been a regular meditator for decades? Not really, unless you call chronic spacing out "meditation." My experience in this area has been the kind where you purposely float off to other (more interesting) worlds and see unearthly lights, angelic beings, and perhaps one’s self in a past life or parallel reality. It’s fun---if you like that sort of thing---and it can be helpful in terms of spiritual growth and expansion.

Because I am that sort of seeker, I have never been drawn to the kind of meditation where you simply observe your breathing and stay in your body. I thought this type of practice was reserved for those whose minds were more disciplined than my own. And I was right, but I had it backwards---their minds weren't naturally disciplined. They earned that status through, you guessed it, regular meditation.

Once I clearly realized this, and realized how much I now wanted this, I ran out and signed up for the “Intro to Zen Buddhism” class at a local Monastery. I was willing to do whatever form of meditation they asked me to do, because Buddhists are sort of world experts in the area of disciplining one’s mind. I knew they had something valuable to teach me. 

The first class session was a great experience---very calming---and we were simply asked to sit quietly, inhale slowly, and then silently count while exhaling: 1,2,3,4,5… We were encouraged to stay focused on this simple exercise, but not try to control our breathing or indulge ourselves in the mind's usual parade of thoughts. Some inhales or exhales were longer than others. No worries.

It was all very simple and straightforward, so much so that I left feeling pleased at how well I had done on my first try. (The other pleasing feature was that while I stayed grounded in my body, breathing and counting, I simultaneously had a little of that floating experience that I enjoy so). I was encouraged.

During the week, I practiced the meditation several times, not because of some new found “discipline” or because it was homework, but mostly because I knew I could succeed at simply breathing and counting the breaths. I could do it for one minute, five minutes, or for 30 minutes, and there was no expectation of getting into any particular “zone” or finding Nirvana in that short period.

It was a no-pressure exercise, and since I am a beginner, I didn't demand perfection from myself. If my mind wandered, no problem. If I did it lying down instead of sitting, well at least I was practicing. I didn't feel any struggle of any kind, which all of a sudden made me want to meditate regularly.

If you've been intimidated by the perceived rigors of meditation, or by fears of failing to do it right, or even by fears of getting sucked into outer space or some unfamiliar crevice of your psyche, try the simple practice of counting breaths. It is a practical, easy, and non-threatening way to start your career in meditation. It’s relaxing, grounding, and great for disciplining the body and mind to calm down and stop overreacting to life.

Authenticity: What It Is and Why You Want It

I remember being in graduate school twenty-some-odd years ago, and hearing fellow psychology students speak of "authenticity," which they defined as being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character despite external pressures.They were existentialists, I think, and even though I admired their integrity, I didn't pay much attention to them. In my mind, I was honest enough, genuine enough.

It wasn't until recently that the subject came up for me again. I had spent decades being a good person and having good intentions, but I realized that---as a Scorpio, an introvert, and a human---there were ways in which I had been slightly secretive, self-protective, and, at times even a smidge manipulative. There were ways in which I had traded parts of myself for peace or security.

I looked around and noticed that most people were in the same boat. Very few fit into the category of truly authentic, which I would define as deeply honest, ethical, transparent in one's thoughts, feelings, and intentions, and true to self and others.

To get a better sense of what authenticity looks like and why you'd want to be it, let's do a quick exercise. First, think of someone you know who you trust implicitly, someone who is forthcoming with their real thoughts and feelings, and who would never try to manipulate you in any way. When you're with this person, you can relax and let your guard down. What you see is what you get. This is an authentic person.

Next, think of someone who throws you off balance a little. Maybe they're nice sometimes and not so nice other times. Maybe they have a way of getting you to agree to things that you're not comfortable with, or you notice yourself feeling guilty, angry, confused or conflicted around them. Maybe they tell you half-truths, omit relevant information, or make promises that they don't always keep. Most likely, this is a person who has not yet discovered the joys of authenticity.

And where do you fit into this discussion? Chances are you're very honest and genuine in some areas, but not in others. For instance, maybe you tell the truth unless you know it will hurt some one's feelings, or get you yelled at. Or you're true to your friends, but not to yourself. Maybe you're honest and forthcoming about what you think, but not about what you feel.

Being authentic is not easy, especially if we come from a family or culture that operates on the assumption that we must maintain a cautious stance lest we make ourselves vulnerable to attack or manipulation. Or perhaps we come from a culture where communication is risky or indirect, and we've had to devise clever ways of getting our needs met.

This week, I invite you to do a personal inventory. Perhaps list the ways you are authentic, and the ways you are not. It might also be interesting to look at your background as well as current relationship to authenticity. Are you happy with your degree of personal integrity and honesty? Are you aware of when you are manipulating a situation for your own benefit, or because you don't know how to ask for what you want directly? Are you true to yourself and those around you?

This might be a humbling exercise (I know it was for me), but just being willing to do an honest appraisal of yourself and your relationships is an act of great courage, intention, and, yes, authenticity!

What's So Great About Journaling?

If you've ever cried (or exploded) over "spilled milk," you know what happens when we don't manage our feelings and stress. Someone who is practiced in the art of identifying and releasing emotions is rarely caught off guard by her own unexpected and exaggerated reactions. If you want to learn to identify and get familiar with your emotional landscape, there's perhaps no better way than through the practice of journaling.

Granted, not everyone is a good candidate for journaling---for one reason or another---but if you do find it beneficial to write out your thoughts and feelings, you will be amazed at the wisdom and clarity you gain from this most valuable tool.

Whenever I find myself feeling confused, depressed, irritable, or tense, I know it's time to sit down with my journal and just write. It usually starts out with, "I don't know why I'm feeling so..." Usually within twenty minutes I'm not only clear about what's been bothering me, but I've received inner guidance about what to do, and the acute distress is 90-100 percent resolved. It's like magic.

At the beginning of each journaling session, it's not a bad idea to apply some form of psychic protection, like visualizing yourself surrounded by light, saying a prayer, or calling in your angels. The reason for this is that journaling, like meditating, can open us up, and we don't want to be left vulnerable to outside (energetic) influences.

While there are countless journaling styles and techniques, one of the most powerful tricks I've found is to be willing to start out foolish and finish wise. What does that mean? When you start out foolish, you're saying, "I admit that I don't know what's going on here. I'm behaving badly, being a drama queen. I thought I'd made a lot of progress, but apparently I have not. Higher Self (Universe, God), please help me sort this out!" By honestly expressing how you really feel in the present moment, and "surrendering" it,  you are opening the door to the channeling of your highest guidance. This is what is meant by being willing to "finish wise."

The problem that some people face with journaling is that they approach it in a lopsided fashion. Either they are too formal and present their thoughts as if they already have it all together---as if the lower self does not require a voice or even exist; or they spew endlessly from the lower self perspective without ever inviting the Higher Self to weigh in. The real benefit comes from giving each side a voice. This is one of the important ways in which the ego becomes healed and integrated with our higher aspects of Self.

This week, I invite you to do a little writing. You don't need to know what you're doing. Just open a notebook and let your stream of consciousness flow. Feel free to ramble, complain, say mean things, vent, you name it! But before you finish, make sure you've made a space for a higher aspect of yourself to say a few words. This will probably happen naturally, but if not, consciously invite it in. It's like free therapy, and the best part is that it comes straight from your own source.

Who's Your "Cato"?

Last week, a friend of mine forwarded me the following blurb from Heart Advice: Weekly Quotes from Pema Chodron, (a popular American Buddhist teacher and writer):

Those who give us a hard time, who are difficult to be around or who constantly blow our cover, are the very ones who show us where we we’re stuck. The great meditation master Atisha always traveled with his belligerent Bengali tea-boy because it kept him honest. Without his ill-tempered servant to test him, he might have been able to deceive himself about his degree of equanimity. Troublemakers up the ante: if we can practice patience with them, we can practice it with anyone. 

I think we can all relate to this, right? It certainly brought to mind several people I've known in my life, but what amused me most about this quote was its striking resemblance to the original Pink Panther movie series, with Peter Sellers. Do you remember the bumbling Inspector Clouseau and his infuriating servant, Cato, whose job it was to attack the inspector, suddenly and when least expected? Apparently Clouseau very much wanted to stay on his toes, and didn't mind how frequently his apartment suffered total destruction.

Even though I've never been a big fan of slapstick comedy, I find Cato and Clouseau's antics hilarious for the very reason that I find Pema's quote so profound. It's because, in the grand scheme of our lessons and contracts here on earth, we choose a few trusted, beloved soul friends (even soul mates) to play the fly in the ointment of our lives, and there's something very rich about that.

Our "Cato" might be a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend, a co-worker, or even a full-fledged enemy, but one thing's for sure: they keep us from falling into lazy contentment. Their presence forces us to learn, grow, and even heal from whatever we need to heal from.

The lesson might relate to self-sufficiency, trust, forgiveness, or anything else that's up for your soul's growth, but wrestling with this person provides the perfect situation for that learning, which is why the two of you planned it that way before you came into this life.

If you don't believe me, ask yourself this question about a Cato from your past: "What quality do I now possess because of being challenged by this person?" If you're very honest, you'll see that he or she helped you develop in some important way. Your experience with this person made you stronger, more patient, more compassionate, more forgiving, or more focused than you would have been without them. Maybe you developed healthy boundaries because he or she invaded yours.

It's easy to see your Cato as the problem that stands between you and peace or happiness, but think again. It is through the lessons they teach that you earn your peace of mind. Remember, "If it's in the way, it is the way."

Are You Watering the Right Seeds?

We all know what happens when we plant a seed in the ground. If it gets enough water, sunshine, etc., it will grow into a plant. If it doesn't get what it needs, it will not develop. The seed analogy is a great one to apply to our everyday lives because we are constantly planting and watering (or neglecting) seeds that will reap some type of harvest. Some of us plant beautiful forests or fruit orchards, while others plant nothing but weeds and poison oak. If you're like most people, you plant a little of each.

Of course, planting the seed is just the first part of the process. And let me say that it's perfectly reasonable to plant a "bad" seed every now and then---we all do it. Nature doesn't expect or require only good seeds from us. It's only a problem when we make a habit of nurturing bad seeds.

In a down moment you might think, "I'm such a failure," and it might serve as a beneficial wake-up call that says," Wow, that was harsh. I really need to work on self-acceptance." But if, instead, you water that seed by coming up with supporting evidence every day, soon you will live in a failure jungle of your own making. You don't want to live in a failure jungle of your own making!

Similarly, you might have a happy thought like, "I'm doing really well." You can either water that seed with supporting evidence, or let it die of neglect. As you can see, some seeds, we want to take care of, and some seeds, we don't. Nature (or the universal intelligence) doesn't judge the worthiness of the seeds we plant---it simply responds to what we do with them.

Just as we are constantly planting seeds in ourselves that we will either nurture or let die, so are we watering (or stomping on) other people's seeds. When your spouse or child or friend says, "I think it's time for me to find a new job," and we say, "Good luck, there aren't any decent jobs out there," we are inadvertently stomping on their seed. They don't have to let it ruin their seed, but we are making it more difficult for them to feel confident in it.

This week, I invite you to look at the seeds you're planting and nurturing. First, take notice of your areas of successful gardening. Then, ask yourself if any of your positive seeds are dying of neglect, or if any of your negative seeds are threatening to take over your garden? Check in, also, about how you are treating the seeds of those around you.

Forgiveness: An Ongoing Journey

By now, we all know the truth about forgiveness: it's not about condoning what somebody did-----it's about being willing to release the pain from your mind, heart, and body so that you can move on with your life.

Of course, you can forgive someone privately without ever letting them know, and you'll be doing yourself a huge favor. But go that extra mile and tell them about it, and you become a hero and an inspiration to everyone involved. If you're not quite there, don't worry. It's like Marianne Williamson once said, "Just because I forgive you doesn't mean we have to have lunch, yet." Forgiveness can be a process.

The spiritual writing, A Course in Miracles, teaches that there are two forces in the universe: love and fear. It goes on to say that the single most effective way to move from the state of fear (which includes blame, condemnation, anger, anxiety, victimization, powerlessness, etc.) to the state of love (peace, compassion, contentment, etc.) is through forgiveness. This brilliant, if lengthy, teaching boils down to the idea that whatever hurts you can be healed through forgiveness, especially forgiveness of self.

And so the new year brings with it feelings of new possibilities and fresh intentions. For me, it's a time to consider how I can cultivate more peace of mind, which inevitably leads to the issue of forgiveness. Does the fact that this theme keeps repeating itself mean I'm a slow learner? Very possibly, but it's also a reminder that the journey of forgiveness is rarely complete.

It's like laundry: no matter how hard you try to keep your clothes clean, they will get dirty and you will have to wash them. And before too long, you'll have to wash them again. Doing the laundry every week can be tiresome, but unless you want to wear soiled, offensively-scented clothes, you have to keep doing it. It's an ongoing task.

Let's face it, a lot happens in life that we have to forgive, which means that we need to keep plugging away at forgiveness. Sometimes we think we've forgiven somebody or ourselves, but we've only scratched the surface. It might takes years of conscious intention to truly forgive something and move on, but if that's what it takes, that's what it takes.

Consider this time and effort an investment in your health and peace of mind, because that's what it is. And if there are brownie points in heaven, you'll be racking them up just by being willing to try to be willing to forgive! But if you feel like you're spinning your wheels, help is always available. You can read a good book on forgiveness, take a workshop, or go to therapy to help get unstuck.

Good luck, and remember that your intention to forgive, alone, is a beautiful thing.