"Purposeful" as a Frame of Reference

Whether you believe that everyone has an inherent life purpose or that we create our own as we go, you'll probably agree that purposeful actions and intentions yield better results than those which are random and haphazard. 

When you live your life according to what is purposeful for you (what matters, and what will lead to desired results), you gain a refreshing clarity and focus. When you have information about and understand your intrinsic values and purpose, you're able to weigh every choice against that. Every day, you can wake up and quickly determine what is most purposeful for you to do, say, or experience. (This takes into account not just your life purpose work, but your overall values as an individual, partner, parent, citizen, etc.)

One day, it might feel purposeful to clean out the garage, or visit an aging relative, or make sales calls, or skip work and go to the beach. It’s not a simple matter of “shoulds” or ”wants,” but a matter of what aligns best with your overall values and desired outcomes. 

Seeing your day, week, year, or life this way is a game changer. It eliminates scatteredness and cuts down on inessential or meaningless tasks/energy drains. It takes some of the drudgery out of activities that you’d otherwise rather not do. If it’s purposeful for you to cut down on sugar or organize your office, there’s more motivation and meaningfulness in your efforts than if you approached it from the perspective of “I should...” or “I have to...” It feels more grown up.

This week, I invite you to use purposefulness as a frame of reference to help you make meaningful, value-based choices of how to spend your time, energy, money, and other resources, as well as to weed out less purposeful endeavors. 

For instance, each morning focus/prioritize your day to include as many purposeful choices as possible (tasks, activities, purchases, relationships, etc.) Maybe hire a house cleaner or get family members to pitch in more if your cleaning time would be better spent doing more essential or purposeful tasks. If you're looking for a job, apply only for those that feel in alignment with your values and goals. Whatever the choice is to be made, ask yourself, “Is this purposeful for me?"

If You had a Personal Mantra or Motto, What would it be?

If you had a motto in life, what would it be?

• Life's too short not to have fun 
• It's all good
• Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong
• Live and let live 
• Always a bridesmaid, never a bride
• Hakuna Matata
• Nobody has any money
• Live, love, laugh
• My bad...
• Thank you, God! 
• The best things in life are free 
• Any job worth doing is worth doing well 
• Be here now
• There aren't enough hours in the day...
• Love makes the world go 'round 
• No good deed goes unpunished
• Breathe... 
• You can do whatever you set your mind to
• The devil made me do it!
• I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
• etc.

Interesting exercise, isn't it? Most of us don't realize we have an unconscious (or semi-consious) mantra playing in our heads, but we do. It might not involve words, per se, as much as a persistent feeling, such as unappreciated, grateful just to be alive, or overwhelmed. 

Some of us bounce back and forth between two main states, such as happy/grateful and grumpy/discouraged, or some other form of okay and not okay, in which case there might be two alternating mantras. But, for the most part, people don't vary much from their established credo, so it's worth considering what you're reinforcing in yourself day after day.

Personally, I tend to sway gently back and forth between, All is well (Ommmm...), and Everything's a mess! I feel either peaceful and content, or like everything's gone to hell in a hand basket. (I only admit this, by the way, as a means of encouraging you to own up to your underground motto. I assure you, it's quite liberating, and now that I know what's lurking there, I can challenge these dualistic thoughts when they arise).

This week, I invite you to unearth a statement or two that sums up your philosophical stance on life. What effect does this motto have on you? Does it yield the results you're looking for, or is it limiting you in some important way? If it's a happy mantra, does it reflect your true thoughts and feelings, or is it more of an affirmation? Is this masking a deeper belief about life? If so, what is it?

Why Problems are Our Friends

Unless you're a math major, you probably don't enjoy problems. In fact, our egos consider personal problems to be an abomination---things we should readily avoid or resolve as quickly as possible, and possibly even a sign of loserdome. Difficulty is bad. Smooth sailing is good. Right?

From our limited 3-D perspective, most of us would agree with this, but from the higher perspective of growth and development, problems are one of the greatest learning tools available to us. In fact, I believe we came into these human bodies for the purpose of learning lessons though adversity. After all, if earth is a school, it is the School of Hard Knocks, and our souls love that. Why? Because nothing transforms us faster or more effectively than challenges.

Imagine, for example, that you are an eternal soul who wishes to learn about forgiveness. You think to yourself, "Gee, how can I best learn the meaning of forgiveness? I guess I could float around the universe for a couple eons and chat with other souls about forgiveness. I might eventually learn a thing or two from that. Or, I could put on my superhero pants and be born into a physical body where I experienced something traumatic. It might cause me to suffer and struggle for a while, but eventually I'd get tired of all that and find a way to forgive and move forward. Yep, that would that be an efficient way to learn. Within a few earth years, I'd know a lot about forgiveness."

This is exactly what I think we're doing here. We might think our problems and difficulties are unfair, or random (God forbid), but what if every difficulty we experienced was designed to help us learn and grow?

We all have problem areas, or what I think of as themes. For instance, we might have an easy time with career, finances, and health, but struggle terribly with relationships. Or maybe our relationships and work life are good, but we struggle with low self esteem or addictions. We all have a variety of problems throughout the course of our lives, but the chronic ones constitute the themes, and these themes point to our reason for being here. Problems may be aggravating, but they are the keys to our personal, as well as collective, evolution.

This week, I ask you to view your problems as golden learning opportunities, especially the big or longstanding ones. What are these difficulties trying to teach you? That life is unfair? I think not. Dig a little deeper, and I believe you'll find a more satisfying and helpful answer---one that points to a beautiful quality of being you're struggling to birth. Hang in there, and know that you will eventually succeed, and that the universe ultimately supports you, no matter how long your journey takes.

When Imperfect is Perfectly Fine

Several weeks ago I hurt my foot while hiking in the beautiful green hills. I was in good shape at the time and had been eating really well. I was off sugar and gluten, and was feeling great. Then I twisted my foot, and the good times came to a screeching halt.

Today, then, after eating a sizable caramel-filled chocolate Easter egg and a handful of (stolen) jelly beans, I decided it was time to make my way back to healthy living. This would include a different, more foot-friendly way to exercise, so I went on Youtube to find some workout videos that took my injury into account.

To my surprise, the videos were inspiring. The first one featured a lovely personal trainer who was in a boot-style brace. Not at all gracefully, she demonstrated a few good exercises that would help her audience get back in shape, even while staying off a hurt foot. She mentioned that she loved hardwood floors, especially because of their character and imperfections. She encouraged us not to get down about being imperfect or experiencing a setback. I appreciated that.

The next video featured a second fitness guru, who told the story of injuring her ankle and not being able to exercise on it for six months. She said she'd been depressed and angry, and had gained weight, but then a physical therapist helped her get back on track using upper body exercises. This, apparently had the effect of opening a new world of possibilities for the young woman, who was now encouraging us to embrace our issue as an opportunity for a personal and physical renaissance.

I tried out all the exercises, felt a happy rush, and decided that if these ladies could make peace with their temporary disability, so could I. If they were able to see the beauty in setbacks and human trials and imperfections, I could too. There was a split second there when I saw my impaired body and imperfect self as being more wonderfully unique and beautiful because of it. It was just a flash of insight, but one I hope to not soon forget.

This week, I ask you to embrace your humanness, and accept (if only for a moment) that thing that bugs you the most about yourself. And if you're doing okay with yourself, go ahead and extend that acceptance out toward somebody else in your life. It'll feel great.

From Sacred Wound to Sacred Journey

If you're not familiar with the term sacred wound, you might be confused, because most of us don't equate woundedness with great reverence. But as human beings in an imperfect world, there comes a time---usually early in our lives---when something happens that we can't emotionally handle. Mommy rejects or abandons us, brother abuses us, or a loved one dies. This early trauma creates an energetic monument around which our personality is formed.

This monument marks the site of not only our sacred, primary wound, but of our path to transformation. Why? Because when we make progress in healing and forgiving that which stole our innocence, we access our greatness.  Our wound is sacred because it paves the way to our personal evolution.

The problem is that we (Westerners) tend to overreact or under-respond to our wounds. We either build shrines to them and let them define and limit us, or we deny their existence and never get close enough to them for healing to occur. In either case, we may try to master ourselves in order to keep the wound at bay (we focus on physical attractiveness, worldly success, or perfecting ourselves in some other way), but this doesn't work because we haven't healed the festering wound within.

What to do? Healing the sacred wound requires us to foster a loving and accepting relationship with it. Instead of rejecting, denying, or dishonoring it, we approach it with reverence. When the telltale shame or grief or humiliation arises, we see it as a hurting child who needs a moment of kindness. We exercise compassion toward ourselves, thus healing the the wound a little at a time. This is the sacred journey.

This week, I invite you to identify your sacred wound and what it is asking of you. For instance, If your primary struggle is with self esteem, you may be on a journey of discovering love within. Try to view your challenges with the utmost acceptance and respect, recognizing that each moment of kindness you extend to yourself represents a step on the path to mastering self love.

Pathfinding: Your Shortcut to Purposeful Choices

I just read about a great tool called "pathfinding" in Tim Kelley's book, True Purpose: 12 Strategies for Discovering the Difference You Are Meant to Make. Pathfinding is a method for using your natural intuitive abilities to make purposeful choices, even if you are unaware of your life purpose. The practice of pathfinding requires that you notice two types of feedback as you move through your day and through your life: external and internal. Regarding external signs, Tim writes:

"Whether you know your purpose or not, behaving in a purposeful way elicits different responses than behaving in a non-purposeful way does. If you can learn to pay attention to the synchronistic signs around you, you can begin to see whether you are on or off purpose. If the chance coincidences in your environment are negative, this is a sign that you are off your path." 

External Signs

Have you noticed that sometimes your life flows effortlessly, while other times conditions seem to conspire against you? Perhaps an unexpected check arrives in the mail when you need it, or you happen to overhear a conversation that benefits you in some way. Maybe you get a lead or a lucky break that advances your career, or find an unheard-of parking space that saves you from being late for an important meeting. What were you doing or trying to do when these happy coincidences happened?

Conversely, you may have experienced times when nothing seemed to go your way. Your car broke down in the worst possible place, or you missed important information about a deadline because of a phone failure. Maybe you were forced to choose between two important events, which resulted in letting a loved one down, or you got stuck in traffic and were late to an important interview. What were you doing or trying to do when these unfortunate situations happened?

Internal Signs

Internal signs relate to emotional and physical responses we have when making decisions. For instance, an opportunity that sounds good to the ego or looks good on paper might be a poor choice if it creates a sinking feeling in us or causes us to feel confused or conflicted. On the other hand, another opportunity might cause us to feel nervous but exhilarated, thus pointing us in the direction of our growth.

Positive/supportive internal signs might include feeling excited, energized, hopeful, or peaceful, while negative/non-supportive signs might include feeling stuck, bored, depressed, tired, or distracted. Again, ask yourself what you were doing or trying to do when you noticed the feelings? All of these answers (of the external and internal signs), will guide future decisions.

Looking Forward

As you contemplate present and future decisions, imagine the proposed situation in your mind and notice how you feel about it. Run through two or more possible options and notice how each one feels. How do they unfold? Which course of actions takes you in a direction you want to go? With practice, you will find that this helps you make better and more purposeful decisions as you go through your life.

This week, I invite you to try out this exercise on a decision you need to make. It could be as simple as which menu item to order at a restaurant, or it could be a more challenging issue. Either way, imagine the outcome of your choice and let that feeling sense inform your decision.

Resisting the Need to Escape

I just saw a book cover, The Wisdom of No Escape, by Pema Chodron. I loved the title because it reminded me of situations I've been in where I was uncomfortable and wanted to run away, but then I realized there was more value in just hunkering down and dealing with my feelings (like a big girl).

This isn't always true, of course, because sometimes the urge to take flight is based on a valid survival instinct. But so often in these modern times, we just don't have the patience or attention span or coping skills to deal with difficult emotions as they arise. Or, like many people I know, we're in a spiritual paradox (tyranny?), whereby we think we're supposed to reach and then maintain a heightened sense of well being no matter what's happening inside or outside of us.

I'm not knocking continuous well being as an aspiration or ultimate spiritual state, but let's face it, we are human and we live in an extreme world where birth, death, comedy, tragedy, joy, humiliation, and every other possibility lurks around each corner. Part of being human means learning to accept that we're not always going to be happy---and that maybe we're not always supposed to be happy. Some of our best learning and growth come from the moments when we're struggling with our humanness.

This week, I invite you to notice where you might be trying to transcend a situation that actually requires your sincere attention. I'm not advocating that you disappear into a story or go down a dark emotional path, but just that you take a moment to let whatever's there be there. There's a fine line between being positive and being a afraid that you can't handle a moment of what feel less than positive. Chances are, once you feel the authentic feeling or think the authentic thought, you'll be even more likely to move on with ease and grace.

Good luck, and have a beautiful week.