Post #76: Freedom and Responsibility

This week, the issues of freedom and responsibility have been up for me. I know a lot of our dreams include freedom from responsibility, but unfortunately this can get us into trouble, because being human pretty much requires us to own whatever we have manifested, whatever we find in our thoughts and in our lives.

You could argue that some people are privileged and others are not, and that there is a huge discrepancy operating that would make it cruel to expect some to take responsibility for their extremely challenging situations when perhaps they were born into them, are victims of crime, etc.

From a limited, physical-world perspective, that is absolutely true, and I do not mean to minimize the real suffering of anyone on this planet. From a spiritual perspective, though, I believe that we souls come to this earth school to learn the hard way (because this is how lessons really stick), and that the average person has incarnated many, maybe even hundreds of times. I also believe that we souls are part of the planning process regarding what kind of life would teach us what we most need to learn. Sometimes we need a painful life experience, and sometimes we need a break. It's also true that some unattractive-looking life experiences are not as bad as they appear, and some attractive-looking life experiences are more difficult than they appear, so it rarely pays to judge someone else's situation.

All that said, we're here, now, and whatever we're experiencing in our lives is ours to deal with. When we blame someone or something outside ourselves for our problems, it keeps us locked in a cage that someone else holds the key to. But when we take a deeper look, we can usually see how we ended up in this place (good or bad), and only then do we have the power to gain our own freedom. As long as you feel like a victim, you are one, but when you take back your personal power (regardless of the external situation), you become liberated.

Is this easy to do? Sometimes it can feel impossible, but sometimes all it takes is one new thought to turn things around. For instance, maybe your neighborhood has become run down, and you feel trapped in a negative situation. Then, someone tells you that you could easily afford to sell your home and move to a nicer area. At first you resist, because you've lived in your current house for 30 years, but then you realize that you have a choice. You're really not trapped at all. In fact, you could have chosen something different at any number of points along the way. You just hadn't realized it.

So, which parts of your life are you taking responsibility for, and which parts are you not? This week, I ask you to take a look at how you can gain your power and freedom back by assuming responsibility for everything in your life. No doubt, this can be extremely humbling, but it's absolutely worth it.
                                            

Post #75: Making Peace with Life

All day long I've been waiting to receive the proper inspiration for what to write. I like to be inspirational, if possible, and offer helpful hints for a more fulfilling life. The problem is that, frankly, I've been a little depressed lately. I could list several existential reasons for this:  my beloved car died, my parents' health is declining rapidly, and I, myself, am exhibiting physical signs of wear and tear. The most exhausting part is that I keep going through "growth processes." One ends and another begins. Give me a break already!

If you're anything like me, you've worked hard to accomplish certain things. Maybe they're physical world things, and maybe they're mental, emotional, or spiritual world things. I, personally, have focused most of my energy on the psycho-spiritual realm, and I'm a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilled person because of it. But the fact is that human life is a life of duality, of ups and downs, gains and losses, joys and sorrows.

We can either fight these earthly realities or accept them for what they are---accept our apparently flawed selves for what we are. At some point in our personal evolution we will be above all of this. We will be like those yogis who can meditate peacefully in a sweltering cave in India and not notice all the suffering around us. Or maybe we notice, but we inherently understand that it's not what it appears to be. All is really well somehow, and in divine order, no matter how conditions appear.

I look forward to that day. But until then I guess I'll just continue to do the best I can and strive to forgive myself when my best doesn't seem to be good enough. I'll try to remember that life is ever changing, that whatever we attach ourselves to today may be gone tomorrow, that the only security in life lies in relishing the insecurities of life.

When we can lean into the existential realities of our lives instead of fearfully pushing them away, something shifts in us. Miraculously, we feel the inevitable upswing. One day we're hopeless, and the next day we feel alive again. That is grace.
   
      
 

Post #74: Taming the Wild Mind

Do you meditate regularly? Most of us do some form of meditation, whether we realize it or not. In school, I was always criticized for "spacing out," but now that I look back, it's clear to me that this was my way of protecting myself from becoming overwhelmed by too much activity and noise. This is one of the main purposes of meditation: to give our minds a break and allow us some downtime to sort things out.

Meditation is also a wonderful way to learn to just be. When we first start meditating, or sometimes even after years of practice, we get to observe the lower mind firsthand. It resists, complains: "I'm uncomfortable...there are too many distractions...the kids are making too much noise...this house is a mess...I have a million things to do...I can't relax...it's cold in here...I should be exercising...I shouldn't have eaten that donut...I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning...what's that smell?"

There are many forms and methods of meditation with different objectives, but most strive to help us find inner peace and deeper understanding of ourselves, others, the world, and the divine. They help us release unwanted mental and emotional debris, and gain clarity and stability. People who meditate regularly tend to be calmer and more balanced than those who do not. And this can be achieved in as little as ten minutes a day.

If you need motivation to cultivate your meditation practice, read the memoir, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Part 2, the India section of the book, guides you through the author's four-month stay in an ashram whereby she is transformed from "monkey mind" (reacting or bursting into tears at the slightest provocation), to "quiet mind" (able to sit in peaceful silence for several hours at a time). Gilbert's portrayal of her experiences beautifully demonstrates the many benefits of meditation.

So relax, take a few deep breaths, and have a great week.

        

Post #73: Overcoming Fear

Last week we talked about Nik Wallenda, who recently walked across Niagara falls on a high wire. I was inspired by his master ability to "feel the fear and do it anyway," and I found myself reflecting on how fear has affected my life, but more importantly, what has helped me most to overcome it.

Generally speaking, exploring spirituality (our connection to all that is) has been the greatest positive influence of my life, especially with regard to managing fear. Where formal religion can sometimes evoke and even promote fear, seeking our own connection to the divine more often has a spacious and comforting effect. I like to say that if it makes you feel bad, it isn't God.

Religion can be beautiful, but it can also be limiting in that each person is unique, and the rituals and beliefs of a particular faith will fit for some, but not for others. Trying to force a square peg into a round hole can sometimes do more harm than good.

I could write a laundry list of all the spiritual ideas/practices that have helped me deal with fear (surrender, forgiveness, mindfulness, etc.), but the one I wanted to focus on today is the concept that we are immortal souls who occasionally inhabit physical bodies (in order to learn certain lessons).

I'm referring to reincarnation, but that's not all. In the last twenty to thirty years, there's been an explosion of consistent information coming through (especially from hypnotherapy clients, reputable channels, and people who have had near-death experiences) about life between lives, or what happens when we are outside of our normal human perception of reality.

I have read many of these books, and even though I'm often skeptical I have been dramatically transformed by sharing in the experiences of these people. The stories resonate on a level so deep that to me there is no question of their validity. When we realize that our current troubles and challenges are just a drop in the bucket of who we are and where we've been, it puts everything into perspective. And when you realize that the people you love (and hate) have been with you many times before, you recognize that loss is not what it seems to be.

Where I've landed in all of this is that I generally no longer fear for my own life. The idea of dying does not worry me, except for the pain it might cause others and the possibility that I had not achieved all that I set out to achieve in this lifetime. The fear I have of my loved ones dying is solely based on the human suffering that would ensue. Being in a body and losing someone you love can be horrible, no matter what you believe, but knowing that you will see them again can help a lot.

Here are a few of my favorite books on the subject:

• Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives (by Michael Newton, 1994)
• Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, his Young Patient, and the Past-life Therapy that Changed Both their Lives (by Brian L. Weiss, 1988)
• Exploring the Eternal Soul: Insights from the Life Between Lives (by Andy Tomlinson, 2007)

      

Post #72: Are You a Daredevil?

Last Friday night, I did something I virtually never do---I turned on the TV (without the help of my children). I'd never heard of Nik Wallenda, and I had no idea he was about to walk across Niagara Falls on a wire, but as he made his way across the falls, from the US into Canadian air space, I said to my family, "The next time I'm afraid of doing something, I'm going to remember this."

As soon as Nik was on the ground, customs officials approached him for his passport and asked him what the purpose was for his visit. Nik replied without hesitation, "To inspire people all over the world." He certainly did that.

Now, I've always thought that people who risk their lives like this were crazy, or had a death wish, or were chronically bored adrenalin junkies. (Granted, I've never even taken a dive to catch a ball, and I think jumpy houses are dangerous, so my opinion is iffy, at best!) But I, along with my entire family, became enthralled and inspired by Nik Wallenda, who, in an interview, said, "I was born to do this---it's why I'm here."

Nik was born a 7th generation member of the traveling circus troupe, the "Great Wallendas," and his great grandfather, Karl Wallenda, founded the "Flying Wallendas." At age 73, Karl fell to his death, four months before Nik's birth.

Staring Down Danger

What is a daredevil, anyway?" Spiritually, humanity's greatest challenge perhaps is to overcome fear. I don't believe in the "devil," per se, but if I did, I'd say that fear was his greatest weapon and tool. Fear is ultimately what causes war, crime, hatred, violence, addiction, and self-loathing. So when someone courageously stands (or walks) in harm's way, he is effectively thumbing his nose at the "devil." He is saying, "I see you there, but you don't control me. I choose to have faith instead." That's huge.

Are you a daredevil? If you're like most of us you are courageous is some areas of life, and a little wimpy in others. Maybe you take physical risks, but avoid emotional ones. Maybe you extend yourself mentally, but shrink back spiritually. We're not all here to walk the high wire, but I do believe we're here to overcome perceived limitations and face our fears.

So, what area of your life is holding you back?

Post #71: Graduation Blues

It's graduation time again, and this year I'm feeling particularly sentimental. Not only are my own children moving on from one school to the next, but several other young folks I know are graduating. The cap and gown pictures I'm seeing on Facebook right now make me feel proud and excited for their parents and them, but also sad that the babies and little squirts they once were are now gone forever.

What do we do with those mixed feelings? After all, this life passage can tap us into heavy existential stuff---loss, grief, regret, aging, mortality, etc. In the old days, I would have tried very hard to tweak the sad feeling, control it, talk myself out of it, or medicate it with food or drink.

Somewhere along the line, though, I started to realize that real, unadulterated feelings are actually pretty short lived, and that if we let them be there without trying to avoid them or change them, they can pass through relatively quickly. It's fear of, or reaction to difficult feelings that extends their shelf life or morphs them into something unmanageable. It's normal in our culture to deny and bury our feelings, even as a first line of defense, but that doesn't make them go away. It just makes them go underground---temporarily.

When we're courageous enough to face our feelings, and we honor and flow with the ups and downs of life, things get much easier. Much. It's like tending a garden. If you water the plants and pull the weeds on a regular basis, maintenance is not too difficult. Sure, you'll get the occasional gopher to deal with, but that's to be expected.

On the other hand, when you neglect your garden for months or years at a time, it can get pretty wild. There might be weeds in there that are taller than you, and some of your beautiful flowers may have died. Depressing? Maybe. Hopeless? No way! With a little effort and resourcefulness, you can get your garden cleaned up.

This week, month, or year, whether you're moving on to the next phase of life or watching someone else do so, I invite you to take a moment to allow any feelings you might have to be there. Notice how much stronger you feel when you face what's true for you instead of running away from it.

Post #70: Mad Men (and Mad Women)

A few weeks ago, my husband and I started streaming the television show, Mad Men. Like so many people, we were taken in by 1960's styles, themes, indulgences, and pervasive ignorance of the era we were both born into. Not since The Hardy Boys in the late seventies have I been so addicted to a TV show.

Unlike The Hardy Boys, however, Mad Men is disturbing. The juxtaposition of beauty/elegance and the ugly, gritty side of human nature is both appalling and intoxicating. For 48 minutes, we can put our normal, morally conscious, sweatpants-wearing lives aside and indulge in the dramas of a culture that is truly outrageous by modern-day standards.

And what's wrong with that? Isn't this what novels, plays, television, and movies are for:  to entertain us and allow us to experience aspects of life that we would never have access to on our own? And, hopefully, to teach us valuable lessons so we won't have to suffer any more than necessary? Absolutely.

The only problem is that these shows (movies, etc.) can get inside our heads and mess with us. For a sensitive soul like me, once a week is a reasonable dose of Mad Men, but my husband and I have been knocking back an episode or two several times a week, and I'm definately feeling affected by it. I find myself buying into and reacting to the conflicts of modern life more than I did before, and feeling more jaded. This is disconcerting to me.

You might argue that Mad Men is no more outrageous than much of what is going on in our culture today, and I'm sure that's true, but inviting any kind of disturbing content into our living rooms and our minds has its consequences. I think that entertainment thrill-seekers (and passive viewers alike) don't always realize how much their peace of mind is compromised by what they allow into their consciousness.

So, what about you? Do you watch the news every night before you go to bed? Do you enjoy crime shows or horror films? If so, does this material consciously bother you? Have you become desensitized, perhaps? Do you find Mad Men or some other program addictive? Please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you.