Lesson #35: Getting off the Roller Coaster

Is there an area of your life where you tend to go up and down, rise then fall, or repeatedly experience success followed by failure? For many of us Americans, this involves food and exercise, or smoking and alcohol, but it could be your moods that swing, or your bank account or love life that fluctuates wildly. Things are great for a while, and during that sublime period you are convinced that it will stay this way forever.

Perhaps you've experienced an epiphany, a moment or even an extended period of grace during which you see things very clearly. You're eating only healthy foods and glowing with radiant good health. In the midst of this natural high, it's inconceivable that you once binged on potato chips and ice cream sandwiches while watching Desperate Housewives. (Who was that person?, you wonder). Now that you've seen the light, you will never behave that way again.

But then one day you're particularly stressed out, or you let your guard down, or you feel so invincible that you forget what it used to be like. You think to yourself, "I'm a different person now. Much stronger than before. What used to pull me down no longer has power over me." So you dip your toes back in that familiar water, and before you know it, you're back to your old tricks.

How could this have happened? You were doing so well. The disappointment or even the shame you feel is magnified by the fact that this cycle has repeated several times before. When will it end? When will you get it right once and for all? 

The truth is that in this lifetime you might not succeed in maintaining that level of enlighted thinking indefinately. Just because your friend never misses a workout or never spends outside of her means, doesn't mean that you will be able to sustain that level of perfection. Yes, she's discplined in these areas, but if you look closely you'll see that she struggles in other areas. The same is true for you. There are areas of your life where you naturally excel. You may take these things for granted, but trust me, your friends drool over your clean house and your ability to stop drinking after one glass of wine.

So, back to the roller coaster ride. How are we to get off of this crazy thing? Some would say the key is moderation. Others would say it is perseverence (never give up the fight). Still others would say that you need to forgive yourself and move on, or just accept yourself the way you are and stop trying to whip yourself into shape.

While these are all reasonable suggestions, getting off the roller coaster can sometimes involve a few steps. I invite you to explore the following ideas.

1.     What are you strengths? If you're not sure, ask your friends. Honor yourself for the good work, progress, discipline, and contributions to the world that you already make.

2.     What are your weaknesses? (Try not to dwell on this question). See if you can muster up some compassion and forgiveness for the areas of your life in which you struggle.

3.     Pick your favorite shortcoming. What are reasonable hopes or goals, based on your personal history, genes, personality, etc.? (Maybe eating candy in moderation or weighing 105 lbs. are not realistic objectives for you, and you need to adjust your expectations). Note that sometimes black and white thinking is a tyranny in and of itself, while other times it can actually free us from the subtler tyranny of false hope.

4.     Finally, try to relax. As humans we are never going to be perfect. When we gain compassion for ourselves, it makes it easier to have compassion for the struggles of others, and this is a beautiful lesson.
When you're at the top of your roller coaster (or genuinely in a good place), and you see someone engaged in a struggle that you have had, instead of feeling superior, say to yourself, "Oh, yes, I've been there before. I know how hard that can be." This reminder will help you stay in balance (and it will feel great to the other person!)

Lesson #34: How Does Your Garden Grow?

The other night as I was going to bed, I couldn't help but feel that I had wasted my day. It had been gorgeous outside, but I'd been indoors puttering around on my computer, trying to figure out how to do something that never really panned out. In addition, I had spent a couple hours putting out a fire that I had inadvertantly set . Ugh!

I thought of all the meaningful, productive, or just plain fun things I could have done instead, and I felt frustrated. Then, what floated  into my mind was the image of a garden, and I sensed an inner voice asking the questions: "If your life were a garden, what would it look like? How did you tend your garden today."

Hmmmm, that's interesting. I thought about it and realized that in spite of my frustration I had probably accomplished something this day. Certainly I had learned a lesson or two about what not to do. Maybe I had planted a couple seeds that would eventually grow into something of value. Or maybe I'd just turned over some soil in preparation for planting.

Okay, so that felt a little better. As I looked over my inner garden, I saw lots of beautiful flowers and trees, and lots of happy garden fairies. There was an adorable puppy---all young and energetic and sweet. Granted, the little guy was peeing all over the place, but that's what puppies do, right? There were also plenty of weeds in the garden, and the lawn needed some work, but hey, I never said this was Jardin des Tuileries, now did I?

I decided that my garden was quite decent and had lots of potential. Not only that, it had obviously been cared for over time. And maybe I hadn't accomplish a lot today, but I did manage to pull a handful of weeds and prep the ground for the work I'd do tomorrow. At least I didn't leave the hose running all day and flood the garden. Maybe today wan't so bad afterall.

Next what floated through my mind were images of compost and manure and all the other questionable things we actually prize as fertilizer. Oh, now that's VERY interesting. Perhaps I was being reminded that sometimes the ickiest, most objectionable things in life are ultimately what make our gardens grow the best. Perhaps I was being shown that life on earth is a work in progress, a series of seasons and harvests and varying crop conditions. Maybe we're not expected to be expert gardeners, or maybe some days we are that, while other days we're not.

So tell me, how does your garden grow?

Lesson #33: Habits Wreaking Havoc (Part 2)

Last week we talked about the natural tendency for beings like us to pick up the habits and traits of those who have influenced us the most, especially early in life. During the course of the week I found myself in a sort of  fish bowl of self-discovery regarding my own habits. I observed that some of my regular thinking and behavior patterns were quite functional and made me feel good about myself, like the fact that I exercise regularly and that in spite of occasional moodiness, I'm usually caring and optimistic.

On the downside, I came face to face with some demons dressed as fear and anger (okay, rage). It's not that I'd never met them before, (oh yes, I knew them well!), but they seemed so much more obnoxious and theatrical than I had remembered them.

At first I was embarrassed and humbled by the thoughts and feelings I experienced, but then I started getting the feeling that I was being given an opportunity to consciously let go of these patterns. After all, when they're operating below the surface and masquerading as slight nervousness or mild irritation we don't think much of them. No, this was a gift, and I had to choose whether to accept it or re-commit to the old habits.

Facing our own unhealed places can be difficult but it can also be tremendously freeing. This week, I ask you to look at your life and see if there's a tired old habit hanging around that you can now choose to change. Ask yourself if there's a message in that challenge or conflict that keeps repeating over and over again. You might just find that you have inner resources now that you didn't have before.

Lesson #32: Habits Wreaking Havoc (Part 1)

Good morning, Sweetheart. Today we return to everyone's favorite topic: bad habits. Back in May, we discussed addictions and other unhealthy patterns. As we all realize by now, these habits can wreak havoc on our lives. But what about the subtler tendencies we all have?

Think of these patterns as seeds that have been planted somewhere along the line. They may be habits we picked up from other people---parents, siblings, friends, or partners---like using certain verbal or facial expressions, smoking cigarettes, or the tendency to complain or blame others. But these examples are just the tip of the iceberg because this is a  huge category, especially when addressing the habits we grew into by living in a certain family, culture, religion, geographical location, or socioeconomic group. These influences largely shape us, but not completely.

Most of us come into this world as experienced souls. We already have a unique personality or predisposition. Add to this a biological body that has it's own genetic memories and its own natural temperament. This is what we have to work with. This is what we start out with. Everything we pick up from there on out is not who we really are, but who we allow ourselves to become.

What does this mean? Let's say that your mother's very fearful, or your father's very angry. Chances are, these will become themes in your own life just because you were under your parent's strong influence. But how you respond to these influences is your own issue.

For example, you may (or may not) follow in your parent's footsteps and develop phobic or aggressive tendencies. If you were raised by someone else, would you have developed these traits? This is an important question that only you can answer. It's possible that a habitual way of behaving is not you at all. If it's a "good" habit, like bathing regularly, then it's not a problem. But if it's a habit or tendency that causes you grief, like always assuming people are trying to cheat you, then it's worth questioning. But then how do you undo this influence?

This is a complicated issue, and one that does not have an easy solution,  but one thing for sure is that it's important to question whether this is actually your issue, or someone else's. There's a belief that as we get older we start to turn into our parents. If you're firmly anchored in middle age, like I am, you might notice how this works in your own life. If you're a woman, do you find yourself gradually taking on characteristics your mother exhibited at the same age? If so, do you just accept these characteristics/habits, or do you recognize that some of them might not have anything to do with who you really are, but are just sort of reenactments based on images that live in your head.

You might not recognize the difference right away, but if you ask the question and sit with it for a few days, I think you'll start to get a sense of what's what. For instance, you might start to see your tendency to criticize your children as more of an unconcious imitation of what your mother did, than your true parenting style. In this case, you would need to get in touch with how you really want to relate to your children while working on breaking the habit of going on autopilot and reenacting what your mother did.

Please check out my new favorite blog. It's called "Life in Z-D: A Goofball's Guide to Enlightenment." Author and spiritual teacher, Z Egloff, is as funny as she is wise, and I know you will enjoy her.  http://lifeinzd.com/

Lesson #31: The Breath

Over the last few weeks we've been talking about energy work and the importance of maintaining our own energetic fields. Breathing---slowly and deeply---is one of the best ways we can anchor ourselves into the present moment, shield ourselves from untoward external influences, and clear away built-up energy.

If you think about it, breath is life itself, because when we stop breathing, our bodies die.The breath is the umbilical cord to Source. One of the most powerful forms of meditation is focusing on the breath, just noticing the movement of air and the sensations that this creates in the body and mind.

Eckhart Tolle explains that breathing creates space in the mind by producing gaps in out habitual thinking. One or more conscious breaths, taken several times a day, can usher in awareness where there was no space for it before. While our breathing may initially be unnaturally shallow, controlled, or irregular, merely becoming aware of our breath will bring it back to a healthy and normal pattern.

So, how are you doing with breathing? Do you often hold your breath or breathe shallowly? Do you spend most of your time in a sealed building or breathing poluted air? Are you able to take a relaxing deep breath or do you feel constricted? Do you enjoy the breathing benefits of regular, vigorous exercise? Do you get plenty of fresh air? Do you have a regular practice such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, etc?

Most people spend a great deal of time worrying about their eating habits, but never give a thought to breathing habits. This week, I'd like you to focus some attention on the importance of your breath. See if there are a couple ways in which you can improve the quality of your breathing, by perhaps spending more time outdoors, or taking several deep, cleasing breaths every day.

Lesson #30: Working with Energy (Part 4 - Clearing)

As human beings who are designed to be susceptible to the effects of our environment and other people, the issue of energy clearing is of paramount importance. The more sensitive you are, the more readily you will pick up and absorb the energies and moods of people, places, and other entities that may not serve you.

"Clearing" means releasing accumulated energy that we don't want or need. This undesirable energy may be our own (stress, anxiety, depression, jealousy, anger, loneliness, etc.) or it might come from outside of us.

Fortunately, there are many effective ways to clear energy, a few of which you may already be engaged in. The following is a list of some of the most popular energy clearing techniques:

-Deep breathing

-Expressing you thoughts and feelings, verbally or through writing, art, dance, etc
-Meditation---any kind
-Prayer
-Having a good cry
-Chakra clearing (Doreen Virtue has a good meditation CD for this)
-Communing with nature (including plants, trees and animals)
-Proper diet
-Body cleanses/detox
-Practicing forgiveness, acceptance, and gratitude. Making amends
-Listening to music; singing, toning, or chanting
-Clearing physical clutter
-Physical exercise (aerobic, yoga, tai chi, etc.)
-Releasing through grounding practices
-Crystals, aromatherapy, sea salt baths, etc.
-Overcoming/healing addictions, compulsions, and obsessions
-Native American or other rituals (sweating, burning sage, drumming, chanting)
-Past life (or life between lives) "regression" (Doreen Virtue has a good guided imagery CD for this)

This week I encourage you to spend some time noticing when, where, and with whom you find yourself taking on negative outside energies. Next, try experimenting with some of the above ideas, and see which ones work the best for you. Have a great week.

Lesson #29: Working with Energy (Part 3 - Shielding)

To "shield" ourselves energetically means to apply some form of psychic protection so that we are not vulnerable to unwanted outside influences. Sometimes this takes the form of an etheric wall, while at other times it acts as a screen or filter.

The classic, all-purpose shield is a healthy aura, or egg-shaped field of light that surrounds your body and extends outward 18" to three feet in all directions. Anytime, anywhere, you can visualize a colored, golden, or (heavy-duty) bright white light surrounding and enfolding yourself, your loved ones, your home, vehicle, workplace etc., and this will serve as an energetic shield of protection.

My favorite energy shielding and clearing practice is called the Heart Chakra Burst, and is a variation on the above theme. It is based on the idea that the heart is the seat of the Higher Self and the center of our energetic bodies. Imagine a spark of light or a flame in the center of your heart area. Now quickly expand that spark so that it pushes out all unwanted energy and creates a protective field of golden light (or bright white light for serious protection) throughout your physical body and outward 18" to three feet or more in all directions. This exercise clears and shields in an instant, and can be used before you get out of bed in the morning and/or anytime throughout the day that you might need it. 

Generally speaking, anything that raises your energy and "vibration" (loving interactions, contact with nature, exercise, meditation, essential oils, beautiful music, healthy food, etc.) can serve a shielding function, whereas anything that lowers your vibration (negativity, polution, the news, depressing or violent music or imagery, inactivity, junk food, cigarettes, etc.) will make you more vulnerable to harmful outside influences.

This week, please notice when, where, and under what circumstances you find yourself feeling at the mercy of undesirable outside influences. Experiment with different forms of energy shielding to discover what works for you. See you next week.